stop, drop and breathe

goodbye, old friend

2012-01-11T07:11:00.000-08:00

this blog is not longer a safe space for me to say things without real world repercussions. year end lists will be published elsewhere, and my thoughts will be published in this weird, new thing called a "college ruled notebook." life is beautiful, especially when you're basking in that time between day and night and the colours get all distorted. get off the computer and try to bask in it! i am!

take care friends,
kw

theres really no heart in this

2012-01-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

hey blogger, i've ignored you a ton in the latter half of this year because shit has gone awry and i've been using other means to express myself. 2012 is here, and like everyone who makes a half-hearted resolution that ends up having 0 follow through, i am going to try to make this year as fresh and crisp-new as possible.

2011 was weird, i did the last tours in a band i started when i was a wee lad, i did one tour with a band i thought i would have fun in but it turned out to be a nightmare, i did another with a band i always dreamed about joining and then actually did... so for those who are keeping track, that is my last, worst, and best tours ive ever done, all in one year!

i lost a bunch of weight, put some back on, lost more, put more back on, and then put a bit more on.. so now i am starting 2012 trying to lose a bunch of it again. that is fun!

and apparently i have become pretty fucking cynical. though i am in love, so that is cool.

see you later!

top 15 records of 2011

2011-12-02T11:06:00.000-08:00

here is my annual list of favourite records of the year, favourite shows to follow later in the month! what an awesome year for music!

honourable mentions: fucked up - david comes to life, p.s. eliot - sadie, swearin' - what a dump

15. look mexico - real american spear it
one of my top all time bands returned this year with an incredibly different output from their prior releases. To Bed To Battle was a big change for the group, shedding their noodly past for a more solid-rhythmically sound. real american spear it seems to have the now Austin, Tx quartet more comfortable in their own skin, drifting towards the happy medium between "this is animal music" and "to bed to battle," not afraid to show their technical prowess without being overly-flashy. their new drummer is a beast, adding a bit of max weinberg into the traditionally un-traditional drum styles on all of the previous releases. what results is a cohesive EP that is a nice tie over for the inevitable next full length. not my favourite release, but a solid one nonetheless. if i have learned on thing about this band, it is that they save their best ideas and material for their full outputs.

14. circle takes the square - decompositions volume 1 chapter 1
i really like this EP, but it is EXACTLY what circle takes the square is famous for ... teasing. it has been almost a decade since their amazing first LP, "as the roots undo," and while a new LP was promised within this year, at the dawn of december all we have is this 4-song excerpt of what promises to be, when released, one of the most interesting and intriguing metal releases in years. but until then, this will have to do.

13. george zhen - in transit
george and i have worked together on every imadethismistake release, sans "it's okay." we have frequently collaborated on projects together, but this record is all him. 10 songs of straight up brit pop / pop rock. really intriguing arrangements and wonderful storytelling lyrics. the song Uri Gellar Spoon is probably the strongest track i have heard all year. this record isn't for everyone, but George is one of my largest songwriting inspirations, and the sheer knowledge that every instrument on this record was played by him (with some songs including double-digits in amounts of instruments) is worth a listen, only to make you jealous that you aren't as talented as he is.

12. balance and composure - separation
i first heard this band on the b side of the tigers jaw split, and was really excited at how 90s inspired it was and how full it sounded, which will happen when you have three guitarists. their first full length is angry and sullen, layered guitar work and a rock solid drummer keep these guys straddled between alice and chains and brand new, a really interesting line to walk on in my opinion.

11. the howling winds - pale white moon
the debut release from lake worth's howling winds. the recording quality is pretty bad, but the potential this group has is bursting at the seams. i dare you to listen to the first 5 tracks and not get all of them stuck in your head at some point during the subsequent day. i can only imagine how they are going to sound in two years, and they will turn a lot of heads.

10. the mountain goats - all eternals deck
john darnielle, you speak true to my heart. the opening track is classic darnielle, simple on chords and arrangement but lavish in its lyrics. this record is a step up from The Life Of The World To Come. another truly quality release from one of this generation's most prolific songwriters.

9. weak teeth - what a plague you are
probably the record i listened to second most this year, behind my #1. truthfully, i hate the recording. it sounds like it was engineered and mixed by someone who has no clue how to orchestrate heavy music. you can't tell the guitars apart at all,and they are too muddy regardless. the bass is nonexistent, and the drums can sometimes get lost in the mix. with all this negativity said, it shows how positively i regard the songwriting in order to list it so high. these songs have drive, meaning, and power behind them. at only 23 minutes (9 of which are eaten up by the last song,) this record is over as quick as it began, leaving you a bit out of breath and confused as to why you feel so empowered and angry. if this record was recorded, engineered, mixed, and mastered somewhat decently, it would be much higher on my list. check it out, and pay attention to the lyrics and the songwriting while forgetting the recording quality, you WILL be blown away.

8. russian circles - empros
this is russian circles' best record. lush instrumental metal landscapes with a wide variety of influences. this band is what explosions in the sky would sound like if they had grit and knew how to build up to something. i don't really need to say much more.

7. battlefields - agassiz
one of my all time favourite heavy acts went though some serious lineup changes, another bassist and a songwriting / second vocalist guitarist can be a hard hurdle to get over, but battlefields does it swimmingly. this EP shows an evolving band taking the best of their slow, heavy past and injecting some new, black metal fuel into it. the layers and movement are still there, but the fast parts are faster than they ever have been. i was a skeptic at first, i love the battlefields formula, but this has grown on me and i enjoy it much more than their last full length.

6. dark castle - surrender to all life beyond form
brutality at its finest. this portland, or / jacksonville, fl two piece bring tones heavier than a dump truck sitting on your chest, and all with just one guitarist. this record takes more native american influence than their prior release, it is way more focused and flows like the mythical river styx. for any doom metal fan, this is your record of the year.

5. junior battles - idle ages
infectious pop punk that leans more towards fall out boy than the ergs, but is more a wilhelm scream in technicality. these toronto boys have really grown into their own and aren't afraid to inject some of the most interesting harmonies into their songs. seriously, their sense of melody and timing is jealousy-inducing.

4. chelsea wolfe - apokalypsis
doom-folk. yeah. seriously. evil and melancholy, with a haunting and simultaneously enchanting voice. if the devil possessed des ark. that is all i really need to say.

3. your neighbour the liar - it seems we're made to suffer; it is our lot in life.
i played with this band last year in scotland, and they instantly reminded me of a scottish look mexico. their live set was really great, but i wrote off listening to their recorded material until revisiting some old show posters reminded me of them earlier this year. their entire catalogue is available on their bandcamp for free, and i downloaded it all. i was blown away by the polarization of such saddening, introspective lyrics with such upbeat, noodly music. this release was 2 short songs, but i don't think i have gone more than 2 days without listening to them. i cannot wait for a full length from these lads, as all they have put out are 2-4 song spurts.

2. systems - ghost medicine
i have been obsessed with this band since they were called chairoscuro and released a one track, 20 minute EP called "the Desert" near 4 years ago. they are back now with their first proper full length, and release under their new name, and holy hell is it amazing. the band can seamlessly drift between heavy genres without making it seem awkward and misplaced better than anyone i have ever heard. for proof, listen to procession, the first song. it starts out doomier than you can imagine, then in the blink of an eye becomes poly-rhythmic and tech-metally, before throwing in some black metal and then dooming it out again. i understand why this record took so long to put together, because there is so much behind it. this is a true metal opus, from packaging to production to songwriting.

1. timeshares - bearable
from the moment i first heard this record i knew it would be my favourite of the year. these dudes make up 4/5 of the now defunct band the Knockdown, whose record "test/retest" topped my list a few years back. i never thought they would write something more cohesive and exciting than that, especially without their vocalist going forward.. but a name change and the realization that they all have strong voices on their own lead to one of the most exciting releases i have heard in years. i generally hate this type of music. truly. and somehow two really, really poppy records made it into my top 3. this record is hands down my favourite of the year, and you can download it for free / donations.

step one: figure yourself out.

2011-10-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

its been a while. its not that i haven't wanted to write here, its just that things have been so crazy i had no idea where to start, so i am just going to clean slate it. seems like a good idea. i decided to forgo continuing school. the truth is that it is not for me, i feel so out of place in academia, like a lion set loose in Manhattan... it just doesn't belong and leads to more aggression than necessary. i am going to be re-focusing all of my time into my musical endeavors, which doesn't mean playing music. i have been involved in working with / managing a few bands recently, and it has been going really well. i am finding a lot of creative satisfaction helping others get to a place where they want to be, i always have, but recently it has become more and more at the forefront of my interests. i am working on putting a website together to act as an umbrella for all of my business adventures.

otherwise, i can't wait for december. on the 9th is the last P.S. Eliot show in brooklyn and i am flying up to play the show with the Two Funerals, the first time we have played together since april. If i were going to focus on anything playing-wise, it would be the Two Funerals.

life can be a confusing mashup of things you want to do and things that are attainable. im trying to blur the line between the two, because i dont truly believe there is something i CANT pull off. call it pretension, call it overly confidant, or call it over-abundantly optimistic, but i want to have as much fun doing as many things as i can.

until next time!

gimme the loot, gimme the loot.

2011-08-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

two nights ago someone broke into my car and stole my ipod, headphones, GPS, and the Safe that i kept in the trunk. its really unfortunate that people stoop low enough to steal from other not-rich people. the grin i am currently wearing on my face is because i know they are going to spend days trying to break into my well locked, very re-enforced safe... probably dreaming of a treasure trove of cash and paraphernalia.... but after all of their blood, sweat, and (hopefully) tears, when that thing finally pops open and their hearts race and they get so excited for their booty, they will realize they stole an empty, thick box. fuck them.

Fahrenheit H.O.T.

2011-08-07T13:52:00.000-07:00

melissa is reading harry potter for the first time. she trudged through the first three sometime in the distant past, but after goading her for a while she gave way to pressure and started from the 3rd book and has continued on.

she has been sinking deeper and deeper into the fandom with each book, i saw the first signs of investment when she told me in a serious tone that "she is kind of upset with harry, because he let cedric and dobby help him through the first few goblet of fire challenges, and he is relying on the help of friends instead of himself," only to forty minutes call back and reclaim "he kind of redeemed himself by saving her sister."

it is really exciting to watch someone read an intriguing, engulfing series like Harry Potter for the first time, because i can kind of vicariously feel excited when she gets to a part i like... really though i am just kind of lost in this drought of not having read any truly inspiring books lately. i love reading, it has always been a huge part of my life, but i've felt kind of disconnected from everything that has passed through my glasses.

think im going to go to the library and get a card.

LIST [leading into safe territory]

2011-07-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

more writing, less talking about writing.
more social time, less unabomber time
better food choices, less excuses
consider cutting hair
volunteer
read
me.

apologies, i have none is better than your band.

2011-07-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

i am back from my trip with a reinvigorated, positive perspective on shit. south florida sucks but whatever, it is what you make it. i've grown apart from almost all of my friends but whatever, you can always make new ones and if they're supposed to stick around as friends they will motion back into my life at some point down the road. im depressed but whatever, it happens and ill work hard to get out of this rut. i have to.

thats about all!

oh, and there are certain parts of brooklyn i could actually see myself living in, which is weird to say, because i generally have a huge dislike for New York City.

the truth

2011-07-16T10:54:00.001-07:00

we grew apart. never thought it would truly happen, but it did. not sure what to say more than that.

we had some massive nights

2011-07-13T07:03:00.000-07:00

i took my first direct flight in 5 years yesterday, from Fort Lauderdale International to Logan International in Boston, Jillian picked me up and we spent the day talking shit and walking around the city. Last night I had the pleasure of seeing my good friends Nathan and Daniel as their band, ONSIND, was playing a house show. They live in Durham, UK and I hadn't seen them since imadethismistake played with them in England last summer. Seeing those two gave my morale a huge boost, as they are some of the most positive, interesting people to talk too even if they are stressed and wired. Their set was beautiful, and getting to spend a few hours catching up helped me put into perspective some recent friendship problems. I love my friends, but some of the best friends I could ever hope to have live an ocean away, and thats unfortunate. I look forward to the day I am able to see my 4 or 5 wonderful British cohorts on a regular basis.

basically, i know that i am going to move to England one day, I have been trying to do it for years, and I am still aiming for it. Sometimes its nice to have a buffer to give your drive and morale a boost.

providence until friday, then brooklyn for the weekend before heading back to the dirty south. Last night it was 60 degrees in Providence, it was 80 in Ft. Lauderdale.

these trees don't grow in my backyard

2011-06-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

i need to make a point to stop putting effort into friendships that are explicitly one way. more and more i am coming to terms with the facts that a majority of the people i know fall into one of three categories.

1: musician friends. all they have to talk to me about is their band, how it is doing, and how i can help them. this differs from actual friends i have in bands because the actual friends i have talk to me about more than JUST WHAT BAND THEY ARE IN... music isn't my only interest, and neither is your band.

2: advice friends. these friends only come to me when they need help, because i love to listen and have been known to give pretty sound, reasonable, and rational advice... but a large number of the people i know take advantage of that and ONLY talk to me when they need to get something out and get a perspective outside their own and their close group of friends. this would be okay if i was allowed to get a word in, or they showed any sort of interest in hearing anything about me.

3: general flaky friends. i put in all the effort to call, talk, etc. and they put none back. its pretty simple and we all have them, but when i finally just get fed up and stop initiating ALL of the communication, i am either the one accused of not trying to keep in contact, or i end up feeling shitty because i feel like i am losing a friend that was never there in the first place.

dont get me wrong, i have some amazing friends, some of the best you could hope to find. and i take comfort in knowing they are always there for me... i just need to trim the fat out of my friendship life, and that can be hard to do. i never wanna "give up" on people, but sometimes its the most responsible thing you can do for yourself.

i dont think many people read this blog, and thats quite alright with me.

they end, you change, you get better.

2011-06-14T07:16:00.001-07:00

i will rebuild this house on the splinters and ashes of the last one.

what i have been listening to lately

2011-06-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

this is whats on rotation, if theres anything you think i should be adding, feel free to let me know.

the hold steady - boys and girls in america
the hold steady - stay positive
the absence - riders of the plague
balance and composure - separation
battlefields - agassiz
apologies i have none - joiners/viccy park 7"
ONSIND - dissatisfactions (my last years #1 album! talk about lasting power)
baroness - first & second
fucked up - david comes to life
the tragically hip - live in toronto

the devil and john barry

2011-06-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

so life has been good, i spent this past weekend running a concert series at the ice rink my father runs. about a week ago he came to me and asked me to take over the project because the guy whom was running it A) quit and B) had never set up a show before. Thursday i got to the rink around 3 and a crew from the Bank Atlantic Centre (the big arena where the Florida Panthers hockey club plays) came and froze a floor onto about 1/5 of the ice, then built a giant 20x16 stage on top of it. The sound guys were all in their 40s and 50s and still playing out regularly in their band, they were really nice and efficient. For some dumb reason the guy who set it up thought it would be a good idea to have a band play 2-30 minute sets, instead of getting a second band, and instead of researching the depleated music scene down here he just seemed to randomly select some bands... which included a band that had nice guys but sounded like Creed, and groups of 11-13 year olds playing covers... now don't get me wrong, some of those little kids were damn good at their instruments, but all together it needed a lot of work.

it was fun to be running shows again, it has been a long time. there is truly no real music community down here, but luckily i did a good job and the weekend ran smoothly so it looks like ill be getting to book 2 shows a month at the rink, which is exciting. another really cool prospect to come out of the weekend of working was i got offered a position managing the School of Rock (like the movie but less annoying, or more, depending on your mood.) the School of Rock is exactly as it sounds, a curriculum-based program that develops musicians of all ages. The owner was at a few of the shows and we had some nice discussions about the future of music. It is gnarly.

I have no idea why i have been ignoring this thing lately, i do still really love it. The last few months have been pretty routine, excersize [down to 178lbs! 8 pounds to go!] writing [not a ton, having a very large spell of writers block with this damn book] breaking up my band [http://www.punknews.org/article/42739], working feverishly on another [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_hz5B1ISCg], and battling the general nonsense of day to day life. i miss the road, but love my bed... i miss my friends, but love having to rely on myself to get my head straight.

also, i can't stop bumping the Hold Steady's "Boys and Girls in America" & "Stay Positive." The other records are whatever, but these two are fucking B A N G E R S. its been months, i cant stop, help.

it is june and my top list for 2011 is already stacked, and still to come are a ton of amazing records. good year for music.

hello, my name is david... your name is veronika

2011-06-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

i am overwhelmed by how many great records have come out so far this year... what a wonderful year for music., and its just half way through! so much more to come!

i dont know why i have been ignoring this blog lately, i really love it... i guess life has been on autopilot for a while... no touring, no band, just a lot of writing and exercise, hanging out with melissa, sometimes jon perry, sometimes sean... life is really simple for the moment, i am enjoying it but i can feel the stir-craziness starting to creep in.

thats life kids, i wish there was more to update on ... but school starts august 20 and until then life is simplicity. ahh well.

damn these vampires

2011-03-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

things change so swiftly, so rapidly sometimes that i need to make a point to step back and examine the path everything is taking. spontaneity should be added into my initials somewhere, also probably indecisive ... too many words to add.

i am in coral springs and have spent the last few days looking into going back to university in the fall or spring. it is a point i knew would come, but never anticipating it happening so soon. i left florida state university three years ago when i was disinterested with education, overwhelmed with projects and had the urge to tour my face off. A few years, a few hundred shows, and 5 hometowns later, and i am suddenly feeling inspired to finish my degree. i have always had the desire to become a teacher, the schedule fits perfectly with the life i want to live and the idea of educating budding minds and giving them a good foundation to expand their knowledge makes me feel sparks inside. i only have two years worth of classes left. If all transfers correctly ill be attending Florida Atlantic University in the near future.

the Wild tour was a good experience, it was wonderful to be playing a different instrument every night. i look forward to taking lessons and becoming a more solid, reliable drummer. i wont be doing the april dates with them, but am excited to stay in touch and see where things go with them. they are a good crew of people, and are writing some killer songs that say a lot of things i wish i had.

my first Two Funerals tour is later this month, virginia beach - new york city. it should be really cool, and it is funny... i am equally as excited for the week of tour as i am the week i am just spending hanging out at 8 E CLAY in richmond with my best friends. its a good feeling.

working on putting together a UK tour for imadethismistake in july/august. should be some special shows with special bands.

subpoenaed in texas, sequestered in memphis

2011-03-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

i like having no responsibility other than getting in the van, getting off the van, loading in, loading out, and playing drums very hard. it is liberating after years and years of being "tour dad." i love, and thrive ,off the responsibility of touring, but this is a nice different way to do it. there are 9 people in the van including myself, some with very large personalities [myself included] so things can get tense, but in general everyone gets along quite well.

its funny, in imadethismistake i feel like i have to work a lot harder for people to like it, i have always known my voice is an acquired taste and i embrace that... with the Wild it is a general party, no matter who or how many we are playing to, there is dancing, singing along, and an all around good time. i am not used to having it so easy.

this weekend was spent in tucson, arizona at the brutal sun fest. it was really cool, i made a bunch of new friends, played a few good sets, and overall got to relax in a gorgeous place where the heat DOESNT make my hair look like medusa. ahh, the simple things in life.

in a week i will be back in ft. lauderdale, spending two weeks hanging out with melissa, rehearsing two funerals bass and vocals, and continuing to get better at drums. this is a very fun way to live.

until next time,
kw

four oh four

2011-03-05T09:59:00.000-08:00

yesterday i felt like a drummer for the first time in my life. practice was fluid and energetic. we clicked. it was the most fun i have had playing music in a while.

tonight is the first show of a 2 week tour, it is a hometown shown and a benefit for indymedia in Atlanta. if things run as smoothly as yesterday did, it is going to be one epic show.

in other news, i miss living in a place with things to do and where friendly people are abundant. Atlanta, thanks!

someplace like atlanta

2011-03-01T10:32:00.000-08:00

this house is huge. three floors, each with its own porch, a giant kitchen with multiple types of coffee, and nice mix of interesting people. i got here sunday night after a relatively short drive from tallahassee. the weekend was really positive amongst having an often-weird relationship with the city. the time i spent with old friends was fulfilling and nostalgic in the best ways, those who you don't need to keep in touch with to remain close with are the best. i had a great time meeting up and spending time with my new band mates [dakota, witt, dianna, and steve,] all great people who i am looking forward to getting to know more, as it seems like ill be spending a ton of time with them!

atlanta is nice, this house makes it a lot more fun. i am spending a full week here rehearsing and getting ready for tour, being comfortable and feeling atleast welcome in this house makes the time go by better. everyone has their lives and projects and seem to be working in some way to better the community, whether through activism or coordinating youth groups or getting volunteers for the local bike co-op. it is refreshing to be around a group of people with seemingly similar goals and aspirations.

i approved the cover art for my book today, lauren did an awesome job. the writing is coming along, my goal is to spend my next spell at home sending out as many band interviews as possible, hopefully garnering a few good stories.. i currently have what i consider a dream list of artists who have said they will help contribute to the comics. so far that list is: craig horky, lauren measure, jeffrey lewis, joshua mikel, nate rainey. can i get a fuck yes? lauren and nate are acting as the illustrators for larger portions of the book, and from what i have seen it is going to be rad.

also, the new mountain goats record is streaming at NPR, i really like it... leave it to John to not be afraid to take new directions on his 13th or so record. http://www.npr.org/2011/02/27/134056034/first-listen-the-mountain-goats-all-eternals-deck

How I got to join my Favourite Band

2011-02-23T19:22:00.000-08:00

i grew up in a pool of estrogen, my parents divorced when i was 8 and my sister and mother became the predominate figures in my life, and from that most of my close, platonic friends were women or men with an apparent effeminate side. my sister has always been insanely book smart, and as she got older she grew more independent and interested in women's rights, and being that she was such a huge part of my life, i grew with her.

i first called myself a feminist my junior year of high school, and through the next two years eagerly sought out anyone who had something interesting and inspiring to say on the subject, and while a lot of the mainstays [bikini kill, sleater-kinney, the raincoats] were awesome, nothing really contained all the right components for me... i wanted brutal, aggressive, genuine angst. i wanted intelligent lyrics that were straight forward and covered all the bases, i wanted someone to drag me through the mud and then pull me up and say "see how it is? now lets fucking fix it."

enter the Two Funerals

in 2006 "...Invade Poland" was released, and I was hooked. Songs like "Hit the Ground" recanted being second-class citizens in a music scene supposedly standing for equality, and when the chorus of "WE HATE YOUR SONG ABOUT PUSSY" hit my ears, i flipped. The cd was played non-stop through my first year of university, spearheading a double major that included "Women's Studies" and fueling my own music to become more aggressive. imadethismistake's electric turn absolutely was influenced by this young Blacksburg, VA trio. It is the cover of this record that I have tattoo'd on my entire right forearm, my most visible tattoo to date.

The story could stop here, as a fan inspired by brilliant musicians, but the world is a tiny, minuscule place, and with the passing of mutual friends, in the summer of 2007 i met Shannon at a memorial concert i played in Richmond, VA for Ben, Cayce, and Joe. It was a brief meeting, but it opened a dialog that sprung our acquaintance into a friendship. I was open about my feelings towards her music, and she was humble and appreciative. I met Dominique and Abby soon after, and after immediately dropping any "hey i don't know you so im gonna be cautious" feelings we grew close and they agreed to let me put out 2008's Tell Yr Story, a 3-song 7" that has some of my favourite of their recordings.

We have all stayed very close, last year I moved to Richmond for 6 months and lived in the room underneath the stairs in their house between tours, and I got to hear the beginnings of the new record they just finished, Boys Club. I moved back to Florida in August and have been here since.

A few days ago I got an e-mail from Shannon and Dominique letting me know they had parted ways with Kyler on rad terms, and asked if I would like to join the band as a bassist. In the past we have spoken briefly about me filling in at times, but the actual opportunity never rose. I am honoured and excited to become a part of a band that represents so much of what I believe in, and has helped me in more ways than I can express. Everyone has their band that got them into punk rock, a lot of my friends have Black Flag, or the Misfits, or Hot Water Music, etc. I have the Two Funerals, and now, I am the bassist in said band.

My first few shows will be a small tour in April around the RVA-DC-PHILLY area, more info on that soon. But for know check out the new EP/LP Boy's Club that is coming out on Rorshach Records this April, you can hear a song from it at http://thetwofunerals.bandcamp.com

I have never been happier.

-KW

posi personified

2011-02-15T15:45:00.000-08:00

things are pretty great. i leave in 10 days to go on tour playing drums for the Wild, my eyes are settling and vision has become so much less stressful, i am in the midst of two really great writing projects that are testing different areas of my creativity, and romantically i am at the healthiest point i have been in a long while. things are pretty great.

the spliff doctor.

2011-02-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

i've known sean since we were in kindergarten together. we shared a lot of classes during elementary / the first half of middle school... i got kicked out of our shared school in grade 7 and we went to different high schools, but he lived 5 houses down from me so i always kept in touch. we were never very close til our senior year in high school when we both realized we had a lot in common, and since then we have been very close.

this past tour i did was the first time he had been out of florida in a long while, and his first road trip not with family ... he handled it like a champion and pulled his weight and then some, which is more than you can ask from someone who has never slept in a punk house that is dirtier than a dump and has used condoms all over the bed you've been offered. the trip brought us clouser, and i am so thankful... having a dear friend living a mere 5 houses down from me has made living in south florida bearable, he is a huge reason i am still sane.

i love sean, and am so excited to count him amongst my closest confidants. i hope everyone has the opportunity to have someone as open minded and accepting as him in their lives.

3 weeks til i am out of here for 3 weeks.

look around

2011-01-29T08:31:00.000-08:00

1: i dont think i want to play any instrument aside from drums ever again. i had my first practice with The Wild this past Wednesday before the show in Atlanta and it was the most fun I have had just playing an instrument in a long while. I am a much harder hitting, heavier-leaning drummer than they have had before, so I feel like I am bringing something new and worthwhile to the table, and the rest of the band [Witt, Dianna, Dags & Dakota] expressed the same sentiment. I agreed to join the Wild a few weeks ago after a few conversations with Witt about the position, and a few days later we had purchased a drum set for me to practice on... every day between then and leaving for this tour this past Monday i spent hours working on the songs. I am really happy at how far I have come teaching myself that instrument, and am excited they are giving me the chance to try something new and NOT just sing/do guitar or bass. My first tour with them is March 5 - 20 from Atlanta to Tuscon and back... cannot wait.

2: i am having fun on this tour, the shows have been small but intimite, fun but manageable, and overall just simple. playing new songs is keeping me interested in the old ones, and i am realizing i like the process of finding my stride with a song.... playing it over and over infront of people changes how i play it and how i pronounce each word. theres two new ones i am playing nightly, and a third one i may just throw in because i can. good times.

3: last night Sean and I drove from blacksburg, va to richmond overnight... we got in at 5am and I used the key i never returned to get into my old house, where my closest friends live. I crept upstairs and quietly entered Dominique and Brandiff's room, in order to suprise them, when I hear frantic moving around and WHO IS THERE?! apparently, Brandiff comes home drunk a lot [which i knew] and likes to get frisky when drunk [which i knew], so I walked in on my favourite to-be-married couple during private time, but we handled it like champions... i laughed, brandiff got up butt naked and got dressed, and dominique stayed under the covers and blushed / gave me a hug and said she wanted to go back to bed cause she had work... I love being back here.

set ourselves free

2011-01-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

so i am leaving for an acoustic tour in two weeks, and i spent some time today trying to figure out what songs i am comfortable playing in an acoustic setting... i have done a lot of shows this way, but i have always used the same few songs i feel confident playing. i am going to try to mix it up hardcore this time, while keeping a few staples in. i am excited about the addition of 3 new jams that i am proud of, and are a bit different.

i have had a fun time re-working a few songs that were written electric, specifically to be played electric, so i can do them acoustic... its weird because that usually is in reverse, i write a song on acoustic then figure it out electric.

14 days y'all! 14 days and im out of this dump for 12!

2011-01-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

the truth is i am very good at communicating. if i have a problem with someone, i tell them to their face in a way that promotes discussion and rational resolutions over violence, yelling, and childish behaviour. i am sad to say that a bunch of the people i surround myself with aren't the same way, and that sucks, because in the end it is going to ruin a bunch of really great friendships.

and i know it is a bit backwards, writing it here where it seems I am not approaching them... but i have, and i am.

top 11 records of 2010

2010-12-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

so i got asked to submit this list to a bunch of news websites a few weeks ago, and since then i have edited it and made it longer to include some things i forgot. without any more interruptions, here are my top records of 2010.

11. Run Forever - The Devil and Death and Me

Randy from Solidarity Recordings, the label that put out my band's record, signed this group and re-released their debut LP. He told me to check them out and I generally trust Randy's musical tastes so I did, and I was not disappointed. Conor Oberst with balls, Thermals with more emotion, and an overlooming sense of mortality. Good shit folks, good shit.

10. Bars of Gold - Of Gold

singer of bear vs. shark goes freaky and i love it. thats all i can really say, so good.

9. Junior Battles - Junior Battles

i am not generally a fan of pop punk, especially not fall out boy styled pop punk... but something about Toronto's Junior Battles got me this year. their songs talk about touring and girls, the standard formula, but their arrangements are technical and precise, and the hooks and dual vocals make it impossible not to step on the gas just a bit extra while listening.

8. Balance & Composure / Tigers Jaw - Split

pennsylvania has it GOING THE FUCK ON right now. holy shit. both bands are stuck in 2001 and its wonderful. tigers jaw is my definite favourite on this record, but balance and composure suprised me with 4 really interesting, urgent songs. it forced me to get their discography and i am not upset with that decision. really good split that is worth every word of hype.

7. Look Mexico - To Bed to Battle

i hated this fucking record. hated it. hated hated hated hated it. This Is Animal Music is in my top 3 all time records, I have a full chest tattoo of the 7" that followed it last year, Gasp Asp, and then To Bed to Battle.. Look Mexico gave up the noodly, american football-esque jams and went for a more straight forward indie-hook approach. I kept listening for the months after it came out in march, and it wasn't until I was driving from Richmond to Ft. Lauderdale in August to move that I finally "got" this record. Matt's voice is on point, the layers of instrumentation are gorgeous, and Josh's drums keep them grounded with their roots [though he left shortly after the record was released.] This record is really good, my favourite of theirs? absolutely not, but a damn good record, yep.

6. Mose Giganticus - Gift Horse

much like record #7, I HATED THIS RECORD when I first heard it. Mose G, if you know me, is one of my favourite bands and I released their last 7". I was supposed to be doing the vinyl version of this record when I heard the original recording of it and told Matt I wasn't interested in putting my money behind it. The Relapse records came in and told him they'd like to do it, and he re-recorded. The re-recording made alllllll the difference as a way more concise, heavy record came as the result. The songs have grown on me in a big way as Mose G transformed into the doomy, heavy band I always wanted from them. I was fortunate enough to be able to be a part of the release process in being a touring guitarist for the band, but it doesn't take away from how much I love it... and yes, I am guilty of being on tour IN Mose Giganticus and listening to this record in the bus.

5. Apologies, I Have None - Joiners + Windmills

I toured with these dudes for 3 weeks in europe, and this way too-short record got me so excited to do so. The two songs, their first recordings as a 4-piece, show the range and diversity these lads posess. Joiners + Windmills tugs at heart strings, while Sat in Viccy Park is a straight up club banger. Great dudes, amazing sense of melody, and strong song writing... their full length will come out next year and i CANNOT WAIT.

4. Weak Teeth - Weak Teeth

raw, passionate, emotive, and brutal. not a single hardcore/skramz/etc. band holds a finger to what these dudes put into their music, and their live performance and this recording shows it. 5 songs clocking in at under 7 minutes, it is fast and ferocious and ends just as youre getting ready for more. Their sound has evolved from these recordings, and their full length next year is going to turn a lot of heads. I've heard these songs a million times, but I still find myself listening to it on an almost daily basis. So good.

3. Against Me! - White Crosses

fuck the haters, this is against me!'s best record. i've expressed before that this record is like Bad Religion's Recipe for Hate, alienating old fans while building on the poppy hooks and melodies they have always alluding to having tucked away. The songwriting is strong, the lyrics are great, and it is a great start to finish listen. You can't NOT bang your head while listening to Because of the Shame on the highway with the windows down.

2. Howl - Full of Hell

this record kind of defined my european trip. sure, the lyrics are terrible and a lot of the music is pretty generic in a genre that has a ton of similar bands, but their ability to be brutal while keeping it simple keeps me going. The whole record listens really easily, and the slow guitar leads take on a life of their own. This band is fucking H E A V Y.

1. One Night Stand in North Dakota - Dissatisfactions

Nathan and Daniel say things I wish i was eloquent enough to say. Songs about being too attached to pop culture, being a male and recognizing women have it harder, not considering yourself heterosexual, homosexual, or any term that is limiting, and personal triumph. This album hit me at the right time and in the right place, and has been played once a day since I got it in August. Two acoustic guitars played with natural talent, and a nice arrangement of group vocals and some spattered horns that really ties everything together. I cannot recommend this record more, even if you're not into the Plan-It-X style acoustic punk, which I definitely am NOT... this record has something for everyone, and plays so well. Well played on ONSIND's part, so fucking good.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

Cee Lo Green "The Lady Killer," Torche "Songs for Singles," Thou "Summit," Tigers Jaw "Two Worlds" [Only because I bought it as i was writing this list, im sure given time it'd be up there.]

Most anticipated records of 2011:

Apologies, I Have None LP

Senders LP

Weak Teeth LP

Two Funerals - Boys Club EP

P.S. Eliot - Sadie LP

Lemuria - Pebbles

Junior Battles LP

getting ready-set

2010-12-26T12:54:00.000-08:00

if you have a problem with someone, or something they've done, it is so much easier to call them up or sit them down and say "hey, this is bothering me and i wanted to talk to you about it" as opposed to being passive aggressive and holding things back. being upfront and honest about your emotions tends to lead to stronger bonds with better people and happier times because there is no pent up negative feelings.

i do shit wrong all the time, call me out on it in a calm, rational tone and i would love nothing more than to have a discussion on what actions happened, why they happened, and how things will change so in the future it doesn't happen again.

hope everyone is having a happy, healthy holiday season. 2010 is almost over, 2011 is shaping up to be pretty fucking cool. touring for a weelk in january, the rambling roadshow in april/may, europe sometime in between. and a lot of writing.

cheers

how could you possibly claim it's fair game?

2010-12-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

im sitting at stone cup, a coffee shop in chattanooga. it has been dead all day until church got out, and now it is packed. i snagged a nice little table next to an outlet and have been uploading new stand up comedy to my ipod and listening to the two funerals. i have a 13 hour drive today that will get me back to coral springs, and it is happening directly after i get my new tattoo.

friday night katie and i played a split acoustic set in atlanta at a house. there was a good amount of kids, and it was very fun. we went song for song, and played a ps eliot song together. a year ago now is when i first bought the p.s. eliot LP, and was so enamored with it. i love the music community because a year later i consider the kids in that band close friends and am able to respect and love that music on a much more personal level. i love that about being involved, the people you respect the most and whose talents speak to you the most can turn out to be the ones you care about and hang with. the two funerals, p.s. eliot, apologies i have none, weak teeth... some of my current most listened to bands, and all people i am blessed to know and respect. i am gushing, but its true.

we drove after the show to chattanooga and hung out with allison, and passed out mightily. the next day katie and i recorded a cover of Gray Skies, a two funerals song, and hung out around chattanooga. last night we drank fat tire and talked boys... i love those sisters.

there is less than 2 weeks left in 2010, and im hoping to take it out with a bang. what a weird fucking year, not necessarily bad weird, but weird indeed.

you can download our cover of Gray Skies here: http://www.mediafire.com/?6we9k66qhc2suiq

hold me down, woahhhhhh ohhh

2010-12-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

i am leaving later tonight to spend a weekend away from home. i am trekking to gainesville to spend the evening/early morning, and then heading to Atlanta tomorrow night to meet up with Katie and play a show at the Makeout Manor. Then we head to chattanooga for drunken times with her sister, Allison, and I am getting my Two Funerals sleeve finished by the amazing Emily Effler-Bond. As much as I have come to a happy medium living down here, I am chomping at the bit to get out for a weekend and to re-evaluate everything, as I love to do. These past few weeks have been great, but I have been kind of thrown off of my main few goals, I would like to get back to them.

I mastered the new P.S. Eliot record a few days ago, it was a lot of fun and I am excited at how it came out. It is the first record I have ever been "hired" to work on, and I am hoping to do more of it in the future. I love mastering, it brings out the best qualities that are already present in songs. Yes.

thats all the rambling i have for the moment!

top 10 shows of 2010

2010-12-12T10:08:00.000-08:00

1. fucked up @ churchills in miami, fl
at the end of last year i started getting really, really into "the chemistry of common life," start to finish that record is untouchable. this past february we played a [terrible] show in cleveland where 3 miles away they were playing at the same time, and i was quite upset. luckily, after my move to florida, the first band i got to see while being down here was them. they shot off an hour and fifteen minute set that was made specifically for me, or so it felt like. every song off both full lengths i wanted to hear was played, and between watching the insane instrumental chemistry onstage and damien's antics in the audience doing wrestling moves and singing from outside, i was overwhelmed with happiness. best show of 2010, and one of the best shows i have ever been to.

2. cheap girls @ common grounds in gainesville, fl [the fest 9]
i saw cheap girls three times this year, in march at the legion of doom in columbus, in may at rad fest, and at the fest at common grounds, one of the best venues in florida. maybe it was that i was with my closest friend, or all of my michigan friends were dancing around with me, or that i was light enough to crowd surf without worrying about hurting people for the first time, but it ruled. great dudes, great set.

3. junior battles @ rad fest in wilmington, nc
their 7" was the theme to my first half of the year, and getting to see these toronto boys in north carolina was a treat. myself and maybe 5 others new all the lyrics by heart, while the rest of the crowd behind us politely nodded and had their arms folded... didn't matter, i went ape shit. so good. listen to "basements" and tell me it doesn't make you feel totally rad. you wont.

4. timeshares @ the venue in gainesville, fl [the fest 9]
the dudes in timeshares are all of the dudes from the knockdown sans lead vocalist. in the weird event youve seen my year end lists before, you know the knockdown's first record is one of my all time favourites. timeshares is slowly creeping infront of the knockdown in that battle for first. their fest set was rowdy, packed, and at the side stage of the venue, which is awkward but homely. fuck. yes.

5. senders @ rad fest in wilmington, nc
fucking hell. best find of 2010. cam, kenny, sterlo, and birdman are four of the kindest dudes you will ever find, and together they make a stoner rock version of the foo fighters that will fill your veins with weed smoke and fist with pumping. doesn't make sense, but just get into it. their set at rad fest was as epic as kenny's beard, and the fact that cam had been playing guitar for under a year [at the time] is absurd. this band is amazing live and recorded, a twofer that comes naturally to these dudes where most people can never find that right balance.

6. howl @ the culture room in ft. lauderdale, fl
come on, you knew some metal was gonna pop up on this list. the culture room is the venue i grew up going to shitty shows at, the stage is 6 feet tall, the staff is unfriendly, and the drinks are super expensive. none of that stopped howl from playing to a crowd of 40 the way everytime i die played to 300 later that evening, heavy and not giving a fuck. great band, and they've only gotten better with time. vincent, the vocalist, is the only guy i can take seriously when he gives the metal pinky-and-pointer after every song.

7. the two funerals @ legion of doom in columbus, ohio
those of you who know me know i have been championing this band for years as the best unheralded group playing music. others have come and challenged that status for me [ONSIND, weak teeth, senders] but everytime i see these ladies [and dude now] live, or listen to their epic 7", i am reunited with the fact that no one writes more powerful, honest songs than shannon le corre, dominique montgomery and company. i have seen this band atleast 30 times now, but this was the last show of a tour i wasn't planning on being on in a venue i have always wanted to be in with a crowd that was as excited about seeing TTF as i was... it was perfect. long live the two funerals.

8. apologies, i have none @ Le Pix in paris, france
so i met these dudes properly just before we left for our 3 week european excursion, with the exception of my already close friend PJ. one Insane Clown Posse music video later and we were all fast friends. I was never a huge fan of Apologies, until i saw them live as a 4 piece and heard all of their songs the way they should be ... holy shit. so good. the paris show was the last one on our tour and they delivered, everyone was a bit pissed, tired, delirious, and excited. Joe is a tight-as-fuck drummer and the combination of Dan, PJ, and Josh up front makes for an earnest, endearing, and exciting time. this band is going to be huge, and i am not just saying that... they are going to be G I G A N T I C, and in five years everyone will talk about how they knew about them five years ago. i am excited for that, cause i can only see this band's show clawing up this list more and more each year as they play for more people and wow more audiences. im gushing, but its fuckin true. QUOTE THAT SHIT.

9. weak teeth @ as220 in providence, ri
this band sucked so hard befote they changed their name and focus, now they have come into their own and their show is getting more and more intense. a 22 minute set where the last song is 9 minutes long, yeah, shit is awesome. i don't have much else to say other than i CHALLENGE you to see them when they're on tour all this year, they will be on your list too.

10. one night stand in north dakota @ Northumberland Arms in Newcastle, UK
this was truly the year of ONSIND for me, and seeing them for the first time in over 2 years was so cathartic. earnest songs that say everything i wish i could. it was an emotional night, but their set capped off a hectic few days in the best way.

top 10 records of the year and top 10 records i listened to this year coming later in the month!

i lost a bet

2010-12-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

in this video i describe my rest of the year, and how the mighty ducks beat the florida panthers, since i lost a bet with Jer on the game. ahh well.

one month to go.

2010-12-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

the rest of the year is going to be spent on a myriad of exciting projects i have going on. i have just over 4 weeks left in 2010 and i am going to make them super productive. these projects include:

filming a music video
working on a new music Mastering business with the amazing George Zhen called the Blind Spot Mastering Co.
starting to book and organize the Rambling Roadshow
getting started in a local ice hockey league
working on new imadethismistake tunes [drop C tuning, holy shit]
working on my book, Safe Travels [formerly get the fuck out of here.]

fuck. yes.

my least favourite holiday

2010-11-25T12:23:00.000-08:00

today is my least favourite holiday of the year, thanksgiving. while i appreciate having a traditional time to sit down and celebrate family and the harvest, the foundation of today shakes me to the core. three hundred and change years ago the white european settlers came to america, and thanksgiving acts as kind of a bookmark in history as to the start of the downfall of the native american life and culture. after thanksgiving "americans" gave them disease, herded them like cattle from their homes, and set them up on reservations which seem to act like proverbial petting zoos. america has raped the true history of this culture, and on this day we give thanks?

every single person who says thanks should also say they are sorry. i feel dirty contributing to this holiday, but here i am making a huge dinner for my family. happy harvest, but fuck this day. my least favourite holiday.

the providence plantations

2010-11-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

the last few weeks have been one long dream sequence. starting with the days leading up to the fest, blurring through to my surgery and immediate recovery, and streaming into my trip to providence and boston. it has been wonderful, but strange as i struggle with balancing a newly established routine with the spontaneuity i have been so accustomed to in the past. it is not as easy to get up and go to a different side of the country on a whim when you have a job, responsibilities, and recovery to worry about.

i am sitting in TF Green airport in Warwick, Rhode Island. the radio shifts between christmas carols and love ballads, and everyone is an expert people watcher. i spent the weekend excited about the harry potter movie premiere [amazing,] then about our LP release shows in Boston and Providence [amazing,] and then just relaxing and hanging out with one of the closest people I have to me, Jillian. i get so simultaneously excited and nervous guiding through our friendship as it continuously evolves from what it has been. i have so much love for her, in so many ways, it can be confusing, sometimes painful, but is mostly just easy and care free.

weak teeth, which has 3/4 of the current members of my band, is becoming my favourite band, period. after seeing them at fest, and then twice this weekend, i am convinced they are going to be very important and relevant in the music community as they evolve as musicians. if you haven't, check them out.

winter is here, and it will be in the 80s when i get back to florida later tonight. that is so, so very wrong.

samson came back to bed

2010-11-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

i had eye surgery last wednesday. they injected riboflavin into the corneas of both my eyes and subjected them to an hour of intense uv lights, trying to thicken the cornea to fend off the disease killing them. wednesday night was the worst night of pain i have had in my entire life. it was like someone put tiny cerated blades on the inside of my eyelids, so everytime my eyes were closed they pierced the ball, but no matter how hard i tried i could not open my eyes. the next day was overwhelmingly better, and two days after i was functioning. i now have to wear some pretty nerdy shades in the sunlight at all times until they figure out if the surgery helped.

microcosm publishing, the literature world's version of no idea records, has decided to publish the book i have been working on about DIY touring. i am so excited to work with such a great company. in april of 2011 myself and three others involved with microcosm are going on a 5 week tour of the USA, i will be playing music and talking about my book, while Elly Blue, Joshua Ploeg, and Joe Biel share bike knowledge, cook for everyone, and show movies, respectively. this is a cool, new opportunity and way to tour. We have dubbed the tour the "Rambling Roadshow," more info as it comes.

i am 3 pounds from breaking 200, 2 eyes from being able to see, and 1 blog post from going insane. thanks.

i see all

2010-11-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

i have missed this, and do not know why it has slipped my mind to use it.

the fest was this past weekend, and it was possibly the most fun, energetic, and exciting 4 day period i have ever had. the imadethismistake set was friday, and i've never had more fun playing those songs that generally make me sad. i also played in mose giganticus on sunday, with 3 other guitarists. i felt deaf afterwards, but it was such a great time. so fucking heavy.

what were the best sets i saw, you ask? well, cheap girls, junior battles, teenage bottlerocket, and senders all were phenomenal.

today is weird, because i am 24 hours removed from fun, and 24 hours from uncertainty. my first procedure to try and correct my eyes is tomorrow. the surgery is pretty non-evasive, but it will leave me unable to see for a short while, and should have some negative effects before positives. if all goes well, in 6 - 9 months ill be able to have a second surgery that should, hopefully, fix everything. i am nervous, but somewhat excited. ive spent the entire day taking everything in, feeling like it is the last time i will see the things the way they are. im getting sentimental about my eyes. i wonder if their colour will change, if things will be duller or more vibrant, if trees leaves will still seem a bit off.

ahh well, nothing i can do but try to smile and go through with it. stay posi, right?

til next time.

joiners + windmills

2010-10-21T19:06:00.001-07:00

the best advice i've gotten all year, from some of the best people i know.

"Sometimes what it takes is to listen to what you say and try to hear it, to try to feel it."

i want to hear you snap, i want to feel you fucking break.

2010-10-18T19:50:00.001-07:00

so much aggression, nowhere to direct it.

worth your time.

2010-10-15T19:01:00.001-07:00

the date

2010-10-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

november 3 looks to be the day ill be having my first round of treatment. it is where they scrape the outer layer off of the eye, and then subject it to 30 minutes of pure uv light to harden the kornea. after 6-12 months of recovery, ill go to canada to get the second round of treatment, where they try to reshape my eyes with a laser. if that doesnt work, transplants.

south florida, ill be here for a while.

edited

2010-10-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

i decided to keep this one to myself.

third eye vision

2010-10-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to a specialist. my left eye's vision is gone, surgery is the only way to fix it, and the recommended, least evasive surgery is not approved for usage in the united states. the other surgery is 1-2 years recovery... both involve me introducing another person's eye-tissue into my body.

i wonder if i will finally be able to see colour, or if the world will still be dark and shaded as colour blindness has taught me it is. will i find beauty in the same places, or will i see new imperfections that ruin sights that now cause me wonder and awe. will the new eyes reject me... not wanting to partake in the events i have planned for them? so many questions to pose, and no one has the answers.

new doctors next week, new updates as it follows.

the omen

2010-09-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

last night before i went to bed i set my glasses on the counter, not necessarily gently but not with extra force, in a usual "i am going to bed and am taking my glasses off" manor. they were perfectly fine. i wake up this morning, and look over to find the left lens has popped out, and the frame has snapped.

what makes it weird is that this is the morning of my first big eye exam, which is testing my left eye and hopefully is a stepping stone to helping me regain vision in it.

there was a lot of jargon and bantering between my father, who decided he wanted to come along for the appointment, and the doctor before he started doing any tests. the first few were standard, but when he started to look into my retina he noticed there was a ton of scarring. he re-did tests they did last time and in 6 months my left eye has worsened by 50%. fuck.

tomorrow i go to a kornea specialist to discuss surgery options. my glasses are drying now, i super glued them back together. if they break tomorrow, ill consider it an omen.

tropical storm swimming club

2010-09-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

a tropical storm is sharpening its teeth on cuba and brushing them with the florida keys before going to town on where i live. outside has that eery shade of gray you only see in the tropics. generally, 35 mile an hour winds and torrential rain is enough to keep most people sufficiently scared and inside, but i am way too intrigued and will be spending a bunch of time today sitting outside and experiencing the ocean's fury.

i grew up with hurricanes and severe weather warnings... a year after my parents moved us from canada to here, Andrew hit and tore south florida a few new assholes. My junior year in high school we spent near 6 weeks off due to three consecutive hurricanes, including the famed Katrina, and lesser known Wilma. I spent those 6 weeks wandering the debri-ridden roads, driving on the now free-toll high ways, and enjoying nature's wrath.

there is something really, really beautiful about nature taking its course and man not having a single thing to do about it other than stock up on bottled water and sit scared in the dark.

you can be damn sure

2010-09-23T17:01:00.001-07:00

i may not be the one in your bed.
but i am definitely the one in your head.

blurb

2010-09-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

breaking bad is a truly fantastic, well acted series. i watch one episode every day while on the elliptical machine at the gym. the most positive tv-watching i have ever done.

next week starts my first few appointments for my eyes, lets hope we get some good results.

questions.

2010-09-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

today someone told me i desperately need to find god,

i told them that it would be much easier if god just found me,

seems like god has a much better hold on locating people than

i do, and besides... if hes having problems, he can just

facebook me i guess?

no day but today... yeah fucking right.

2010-09-11T16:08:00.001-07:00

i love the theatre, and never complain about the high ticket costs most productions demand. i saw wicked a few years ago and it was $80 per ticket, and i can understand that price... they have a full time orchestra, cast, crew, licensing, and their sets and sound are at the top of their game. $80 was well worth it.

i paid $30 to go see a play called bare, the description compared it to RENT and spring awakening, both plays involving sexually confused youth and drugs. i was intrigued. i went and sat through the first half of the play, and walked out at intermission. it was terrible. the songs were horribly written, with way too many supposed-to-be-funny raunchy comments, pop culture references no one cares to hear, and a constant breaking of the fourth wall. there was a white druggie who did a 2 minute rap about special K that was terrible. the main characters are supposed to be high school seniors, and while one of them looked the part and had a talented voice, the other was easily in his late 30s and his voice was horrid. here you have a cast of 20-24 year olds hoping that doing local theatre will help their careers, and a 38 year old dude trying to play someone less than half his age.

my point? great theatre is amazing and well worth the ticket, but be careful what you spend your money on, and do your research about the play and the cast, because it could be a very very big waste of your money.

engineered for servitude

2010-09-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

i fit into pants i haven't properly fitted into since 2007 [too small], and i don't properly fit into them now [too big] so i put on a belt. it is a nice feeling.

piano is a wonderful instrument, so many layers and feelings you can get out of it. all i need is weighted keys.

delivering pizza is fun, driving around listening to music and making money isn't a far stretch from touring. sans trading a telecaster for a pizza box.

life is weird, but good.

ducks

2010-08-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

today i saw a mother duck standing behind my car in the driveway of the house. it was stoic, standing a few feet behind my rear wheel, just staring into the middle distance. it was pouring, like real spitfire rain, pelting and stinging. i was standing in my garage having a cigarette with a friend and between conversation i kept coming back to this statuesque duck. My friend pointed under my car, and i found 9 tiny ducklings taking cover underneath my Toyota Rav 4's wheel well. These ducks live in my neighborhood, and share it with a few other families that navigate through the driveways and back patios of this suburban neighborhood in order to go to man made canals. In cities you get tons of neighborhood cats, some cities dogs. wild animals that live amongst us and elude capture and spite all the other animals locked up inside as pets. in coral springs, we have ducks.

tonight i am going to branch out and go see a band play at radioactive records in downtown ft. lauderdale, it is just one unknown touring band with no locals... should be an experience.

all i can say.

2010-08-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

fuck.

the left path

2010-08-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

tour is done, the show in philadelphia was the most fun i had had the entire time. it was cool to take part in the cd release show. i left directly after, making the two hour trek through the traffic-less night to baltimore to stay with wes, and that is where i am now.

i am leaving for richmong tonight, three hours of solitude before a few last days with my closest friends before the move to florida. man things change so fast, its like trying to focus on any sort of object while sitting on one of those fair rides with the swings on long chains that twirl round and round fast... the second i get something in focus it is out of view.

I will hide the body underneath the shed, they'll never find him.

2010-08-06T23:16:00.000-07:00

touring with mose giganticus has been an experience. i am definitely used to being the "tour dad," who sets wake up time, does a bulk of the driving, and has everything organized. i feel like it is one of my favourite things about touring... in this case, i do none of that. i sit in the bus, unload, play, load, and sleep. its not boredom i am feeling, but a firm lack of responsibility. i thrive on being busy and having purpose on tour, so it is totally a change.

played a really weird venue tonight in northampton called the pearl st. night club... they generally have pretty big shows, as their $5.50 Budweiser's would hint towards... it was a small show,and City of Ships, with whom we are touring with, played amazingly. One of the fullest sounding three-piece groups I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.

Vermont tomorrow, Boston Sunday, and then Monday and Tuesday in Providence. I am spending the entire day and night of Monday with Jillian, with whom I haven't seen in almost 6 months, the longest stretch of time since we met. I am excited to be able to spend some time with her, it has been very weird not having her around to run things by, and to have fun with. She truly is my closest friend.

im doing a review of One Night Stand in North Dakota's new cd, "Dissatisfactions," in the next few days. I dont think it will be published anywhere but here, but that is fine. The record is amazing, one of the best acoustic releases I have ever heard. Go listen to my favourite of their songs, "Heterosexuality is a Construct" at their myspace, and read a really well put description of the song on PJ's blog.

one hundred and eighty degrees turning.

2010-08-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

i am moving back to florida. that is the one thing i never thought i'd ever say. my health insurance will kick in september 1, and all of the doctors i'd be able to see to help me fix my eyes are located there, so for the sake of convenience and practicality, i am going to be living in my home town of coral springs for the foreseeable future.

i can write for hours about how much i hate the city, but instead i am going to try to look at it as a positive time for me to press the reset button on my life, work on me in a solitary setting, and better myself. i am going to play hockey, go to the gym, learn piano and violin, work on writing songs, take a piercing apprenticeship, and re-connect with the limited number of people i enjoy spending time with down there.

this also means that my west coast trip is canceled, and that imadethismistake is on a hiatus from touring for an undetermined amount of time. i am still playing the fest, but that will be my last show until sometime in the new year. oh how quickly things can change.

disconnected

2010-07-31T17:17:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago i deleted twitter, and today i deleted facebook. i have been having a weird internal argument about these actions for a while. on one hand, those social networking websites help me stay in contact with a lot of people i normally would not get to talk to, and facebook's event invitations help me keep up with concerts and general activities i want to be involved in.

those seem to be the only positives of having them. everything else seems to be lackluster updates, half-hearted communication, and a ton of applications that i have no interest in seeing. so they're gone, and i feel relieved, and a bit guilty for some reason. no clue why.

i am in west virginia right now, tonight is the third show i will have played with mose giganticus. i am enjoying playing every night, it is so different from what i am used to playing... but more and more i am getting exhausted of being on the road. since february i have been pretty much constantly on tour, which has been equal parts daunting and exciting. i am stoked to go home for a little bit and recoup.

european tour day 24-30: the understanding, and a full on war

2010-07-23T19:30:00.000-07:00

i got my guitar fixed [there was a sharp point on the bridge, which was cutting my d string and making me break it nearly every night] and we went to one of the most amazing ice cream shops ever. that night we drove a measly 30 minutes to wiener neustadt, austria. the show was at a small venue with an amazing sound system... Zock, who hung out with us at the previous austrian shows, put this one on and ran sound...and what wonderful sound it was. We stayed at Alex's parents house and I got a bed to myself... ahh beds, a wonderful break.

our next day had us on a 6 hour ride to Aunstein, Germany. This was my first trip into germany and i was nervous and excited. the show had been put together last minute by Maurice and Uli, two big Apologies, I Have None fans. We arrived in this little town of 1400, whose narrow roads and sharp hills, as well as tiny population had us skeptical... the skepticism was quickly thrown to the side as we arrived at Maurice's house. We stepped from the van and he gave all of us hugs, and as he lead us into his house his first words to us were, "Alright boys, who wants mohitos, pot, dinner, cake, anything?" It was a wonderful welcome, an amazing dinner, and it turned out to be an awesome show. There were only 15 or so people, but most of them never got to see punk bands and all danced their hearts out. Free beer and a fun night lead to an excellent sleep.

8 hours north of Aunstein is Kiel, Germany... a college town located on the Baltic Sea and a few short kilometres from Denmark. Hansa 48 was a very cool place, with a front and back room that both did shows. It was one of my favourite shows as it seemed a lot of kids knew the lyrics and had fun jumping around. We all cramped into Marcus' apartment, which included literally the largest couch i have ever seen.

laundry. we did laundry. laundry is good. laundry is great. laundry makes me smile and not smell. oh how i love laundry.

the next two days were spent in a car, as our shows never came to fruition. after kiel we drove to Berlin, spending literally an entire day stuck in traffic... though as we stood in the centre of the highway i did manage to meet a kid wearing a "Casting Out" t-shirt, which was cool... the Casting Out are the new-ish band from once boysetsfire singer Nathan Grey... who is one of the people who got me interested in being politically aware. Small world!

After a long night of alcohol and spirited debates we drove the next day to see a friend of Postin, he lived with his girlfriend in a lovely little home outside of Nuremburg. The forest surrounding it was gorgeous and lush, though we were immediately swayed from exploring it... a little bug called a Zeke dwells within, and one bite from it can apparently paralyze the portion of the body it caught for up to 6 months. NO THANK YOU!

an awesome bbq and good nights rest had us heading for Freiburg, where another last minute show was put together... we arrived to find ourselves in one of the most exciting examples of individuals taking back "public land." The squat was located directly in the centre of a busy business area, in a quite large medium between two one way streets with large bus stops. They built a wall all the way around it, and drove about 15 large Vans, Campers, and old work vehicles and made them into homes, built a donations coffee shop and a kitchen, as well as a bar and venue out of scraps, and made home in the most unlikely of places. the best part was they had been there for a year, and the city hadn't done anything about it. wonderful.

We arrived and near immediately after getting there a group of about 20 skinheaded, german flag-wearing football hooligans decided to make a detour into the squat as they headed to watch Germany get pummeled by Spain in the World Cup semi-finals. They came in and started shoving furniture around and chanting football slogans, the 30 or so residents of the squat all quickly came together and forced the footballers out of their home. I made the decision to help out, as they had opened their space to us last minute to have us play there, it seemed like the right thing to do was stand by them when they could use an extra set of hands. Insults were lashed out in rapid-paced german, and a man swung his fist over my shoulder into the face of this lady standing behind me. We engaged in a spirited fisticuffs [i was raised in a home with two incredibly strong willed women who do not take ANY SHIT, do not punch anyone, especially an unsuspecting lady, in front of me. ] and things continued back and forth, with quick little skirmishes breaking out but mostly people standing their ground, before the police showed up and broke things apart. No one was arrested, and no one ended up with anything more than sore knuckles and a throbbing chin [hint: not me on that last one!]

the show that night was fierce, both of our bands rattled off spirited, intense sets that the group of people not looking out for the footballers, whom they were convinced would come back, danced to and had a great time.

i wish the best story from that night was the fight and near west side story-esque turf war... but it is not. We did not sleep at the squat, but rather a co-op house that was just a block down the street... in the nursery room. it was complete with a miniature bouncy ball house, a giant rubber ball with handle, bunk beds that had a slide coming from the top bunk, and other miscellaneous children's toys that make for an incredibly creepy evening. I do not suggest sleeping in a nursery, ever... it does something to the core of you to turn you a bit crazy.

Lastly we hit Paris, a show I had looked forward to for so long. It was the best way to go out, a ton of people, really good food, and PJ crowd surfing while playing one of our songs. It was an awesome time.

Friday the 9th was spent going back on the ferry and dropping everyone off. I stayed with Dan and Josh at their house in Hackney, and between us getting back and Wednesday, I took the time to wander London, catch Avenue Q for half price, re-spark my interest in drawing [im still terrible, but i am interested!], and hang out with Josh a ton. Wednesday the 14th we played a show in South London. My band, Apologies, Neil Sutherland, and Porches... Fun Alf, who spent the first week as our merch guy,'s band. All of my friends in London showed up for the last show and my last night on the Continent. I could spend a ton of time describing the whole night, but take my word for it, it will be hard to top the amount of fun I had being in that venue, with those people. Epic.

I stayed up the whole night and went to Heathrow in the morning, flew to Chicago, enjoyed an 8 hour layover and 2 hour delay on my flight, and arrived in Richmond Thursday night at 6:30pm. Sleep ensued!

It is weird to be back in the States, and I am excited to take advantage of being back... I am currently in Philadelphia practicing with Mose Giganticus to be their guitarist on their up coming CD Release tour. It is a style of music I have never played on guitar, and am excited to give it a shot.

Its been real!
kw

european tour day 22-23: the austrian death machine

2010-07-02T05:04:00.000-07:00

our day off was spent in graz at a mansion that was being rented by 8 punks. the house included a sauna, football field sized back yard with hammocks, a fully fledged professional recording studio, and a former wine cellar basement that was, literally, the sizeo f maybe 2 football fields. to get down to it we had to walk down an old stone spiral staircase that could have been used as the entrance to Grandpa Dracula's lair on the set of the Munsters show from the 70s. the actual cellar was recessed so far into the ground it was constantly 12 degrees celcius. it was seperated into four giant cylindrical chambers... apparantly the house hosts one giant party a year and about 700-1000 people attend it, and the place isn't even half full. insanity.

i spent the day reading and relaxing, and we watched the Anvil documentary at night... it was my fourth or so time seeing the movie, but considering we are currently on tour in europe, it was really great to see. That band has the passion and drive kids our age do, and even though their sense of entitlement and ethics may be a bit skewed and weird, it is a great band-trying-to-make-it-big tale.

Yesterday we had only an hour and a half drive to get to Oberwart, and the venue, called OHO, was huge. it had giant track lights and reminded me of a mini-stadium. playing was a lot of fun, especially after a day off. i generally hate to have days off on tour, i feel restless and bored when i am on tour but do not have a show. i'd rather play to no one than not play at all.

we stayed in a really gross practice space, full with spiders and flys and mosquitos... a far cry from the hotel room that we were told we were told the promoter had gotten from us, but a place to sleep nonetheless. i will never understand how someone can live, or just have in general, a place so gross.

we are waiting for PJ to finish making his famous crazy beans for breakfast and then are heading out to the next show. can't wait!

european tour day 14-21: the problems

2010-06-30T05:35:00.000-07:00

laval is a tiny town located a few hours north of caen, its streets reminiscent of haliburton, the town i attended summer camp in, though with more hills and shops. the bar was tiny, with a staff including an old man who loved to talk, even though he knew i couldn't understand him. the room was a wuaint basement with an extremely low ceiling. the crowd seemed to really enjoy what the bands were doing, and the opening acoustic act sounded almost identical to placebo, which isn't a bad thing at all. i met a girl who was from atlanta who had lived in laval for a year, and it was funny to talk to her as she hadn't really spoken english in the time since she arrived in france. i've never heard a georgian with a french accent before. we stayed in an apartment the promoters' brother had just vacated, it was pretty creepy.

dijon was the next day, and we played at a bar suggestivly titled "deep inside." the guy putting the show on, frederick, made us burritos which was an instant sucess for me. the basement of the bar looked like a cave, though there was no echo. it was fun to play because a bunch of kids in the audience went really wild and knew a bunch of lyrics, which is always a great confidence booster and leads to a fun time. it was also pj's birthday, and i got to tell him about the birthday gift i have waiting for him back at his house... brand new black-out curtains for his bedroom, as he cannot sleep with even the tiniest ray of sun peaking into the room.

now, the headaches begin.

we were worried about crossing the border into switzerland... it is not part of the european union, and therefore we'd be playing the next three shows illegally, and if we got stopped and searched at the border it was almost certain our products would all be confiscated and we'd be denied entry. we painstakingly spent an hour and a half unpacking all of the merch, and dividing it between all of our bags, as to hide what we have. we came up with an elaborate story of how i was pj's cousin and i was just traveling with them, the same story we'd tell any border agent as, since i am not an EU member, i am doing this entire tour "illegally." our friend luke, who put the show on that night, told us a little used route to get into switzerland from france, and we took it. everyone was tense, stressed, and anticipating the border as we knew we were approaching... but it never came. there was no border crossing... the way we took had no guards, or anything. we got to the show and spent another hour re-packing the merch from our personal belongings.

we played tiki's pub in geneva, an awesome bar owned by the aforementioned Luke. the show was alright, few people and kind of an awkward setup due to the switzerland world cup match taking place, bu the real story comes after the show. everyone had been drinking quite a lot and we were driven over to where we'd be staying, a dormatory located above one of the craziest clubs in geneva. the bass from the sound system was the loudest single noise i have ever heard in my life, and the strobe lights and drunk party goers were all in a frenzy at 3am. the dorms were 6 sets of bunk beds located on the second floor of the building, and are used for DJs and bands who come play there. it was insane, once again throwing me back to cabins at camp timberlane. everyone went clubbing downstairs, though i elected to stay back and get some much needed sleep. apparantly, PJ can club like a champion, and joe offended a nice swiss-french lady by dropping a nicely rolled cigarette onto the ground. oh to be young.

the next day we drove from geneva to davos, a tiny town of 15000 cradled in the arms of the northwest swiss mountains, the drive up was breath taking. every shade of green imaginable laid out over a cascade of trees, mountains, and streams, and with a backdrop of frost-topped peaks. it was lovely... except for blowing a tire on the way into town. we quickly got it changed on the side of the road, and continued on. we played at the box, an anarchist run, 10 year old venue that was raising money for refugees living in town. it is amazing that in a town with such a small population, such a wonderful little community of "punks" exists, hosting bands from all over the world for a full decade. we slept in the venue on mattresses i am sure have never been washed, but provided a nice change from the floor.

the next morning we had two more van scares, a metal antennae was stuck in the back right tire, though after removing it we were happy to find out it didn't puncture anything... and we started smelling funny odors from the brakes as we were heading back down the mountain, but it just turned out to be from them working so hard as we trudged back towards geneva.

our show was cancelled, the people promoting it didn't do anything, an didn't have the courtesy to let us know that so we didn't have to make the 6 hour drive back to the geneva area... davos, where we had been, was only 6 hours from ljubljana, switzerland... geneva is 11. not only did we waste 6 hours worth of gas going to a place where no show happened, but we have to spend another extra 5 hours of gas getting ot our next show. irresponsibility is dissapointing.

the ride to slovenia the next day was a 12 hour mission starting at 7am where we went in search of a new spare tire for the van, and ending at 7:30pm when we arrived in slovenia after driving non-stop. we drove through 4 countries, and the highlight of the drive was that all the tolls in slovenia are shut down... this trip we have spent over 200 euros on tolls, a huge and annoying expense.

we arrived at Taverna Rog and i was blown away. it is an old bike factory set in the centre of the city that closed down years ago and has been squatted ever since. it is monsterous, encompassing 5 seperate buildings and almost 2 blocks of space. there is a 400-capacity venue, full skatepark, dance club, band practice spaces, artist studios, social justice centre, yoga studio, living quarters, a garden, and a few dozen other projects that have their own space. the city knows about it, and doesn't shut them down because there is so much community support for the squat, and in fact, the city hires a security guard to work the gate into the taverna rog, and to make sure everyones safe. it is amazing... and there is a 15 year old squat of similar size only 500 metres away! i was overwhelmed!

the show itself was lacking, the promoter admitted he didn't make flyers or really promote it, and it showed. about 5 or 6 people showed up to this massive venue, and for some reason the show didn't start til 11:45... we played at 1am. after a day where the show was cancelled and we had been fucked over, we were all looking forward to an awesome show in this awesome squat, the second day of dissapointment ended with us passing out in the yoga studio, tired and wondering if the trend would continue.

no, it wouldnt.

last night we played in graz, austria at SUB. we arrived and the super nice guys running the show led us upstairs to an awesome dinner of curry, rice, salad, cherries, and cupcakes. as the night progressed a ton of people showed up to this little diy space nestled in the middle of Graz, and when we played near 70 people were in the room jumping around and having fun. we played an encore, apologies played 2, and the night ended with us hanging out til 4am at the venue. we stayed with the dudes from anti-maniacs in their crazy mansion.

and here i am, waking up from a great nights sleep and today is our day off. i am excited to relax and explore. scrambled tofu!

british term of the day: "kip" - sleep.

european tour day 12-13: the invasion

2010-06-23T05:13:00.000-07:00

monday was the type of relaxing day that happens too often when i am at home, but after near two weeks of constant moving it was a welcome change of pace. i did some house keeping... haggled with a shopkeeper to get a backpack for 3 pound, sending off postcards and getting lunch with kathrine, neil [a surprise that he hadn't left that early.] i was also able to spend some one-on-one time with gaby, which to the best of my recollection is the first time we'd ever been able to do so. she is such a sweet person, with a big heart and hilarious demeanor. it was really pleasant.

dan postin, the drummer, showed up around 11pm and we passed out around 2.

tuesday was intense. pj woke us up at 5:45am and we quickly go together and drove over to Bondy and Josh, from Apologies, I Have None, and loaded up the van... the very same one that broke down on us on day 2 of the UK tour. Apparantly, it had been fixed. we drove for about two hours before getting to Dover, on the south coast of england, and drove onto a ferry. We crossed the english channel on this large ferry... it was nice to stand on the deck and feel the breeze roll through my hair, a dense fog blurring the english coast as we glided further and further away, and france becoming clouser and clouser. off the boat and on the road we started getting a glance of the french countryside, and everyone's mood chippered.

we played in caen, a city i have been to once before and had a wonderful time, and the bar, el camino, was awesome. a small room that could maybe, maybe fit 100 people, the dark lighting and under-a-bar locale were the perfect setting for a punk show.

the crowd was huge, filling out the entire room. the opening band, 64 dollar question, played a weird mix of alt-rock and punk... not my thing, but the drummer was very talented. apologies, i have none played second and played wonderfully, and we played last. overall it was an extremely great night.

we are in caen right now, and getting ready to head to laval... i love europe, and am so excited to explore it more. tomorrow is pj's birthday, i am excited to tell him what his gift is, and that it is waiting for him at home.

european tour day 10-11: the homestead

2010-06-20T17:59:00.000-07:00

after my last post i attended a concert cecil put on, at the bar she worked at, the birds nest. neil and kathrine met me there and we watched the first few bands. the only reason i am mentioning this is because a band called "beat the red light" played and BLEW ME AWAY. on paper, this band should be terrible. no matter how i try to describe their sound, it is going to come out sounding like it should not mix. ska and really, brutal almost techy-metal. 4 piece-horn section, two guitars, bass, and drums. pookie, the trombone player, also does main vocals, and is a powerful frontman. he rocks his trombone like his axe, and during the most brutal of moments in the songs, he is in the crowd throwing it over his head and throwing it down harder than the people around him. it is amazing to see someone with a natural ability to perform doing exactly what they love to do, and pookie is a wonderful, wonderful person... nicest dude ever. it was just a wonderful time, and it was the first time in years a band i'd never seen had stopped playing and i really, truly yearned for them to continue on. bravo.

i stayed at vincent, a friend of neil, pj, and gaby, 's house that night. located in north london and directly above a wonderful smelling jewish bakery... dont blame the heritage, i do love the smell of challah bread. sleep came easily, as the large futon suprised me by becoming an even larger bed. i haven't regularly had a bed since jillian and i moved out of our house in january, spending my time on floors, couches, and the occasional mattress. a constant bed? no. even now that i have my own room in my own house, i do not have an actual bed. i am never taking sleeping in one granted again.

i woke up early and pj met me at the underground and escorted me to victoria station, where i would be meeting chris, kim, and john. we were hopping on a train to southampton, on the southern most coast of england, to attend homestead fest. the homestead is a house that has been doing acoustic shows in its conservatory since 2003.. what started by accident, a show got cancelled and the homestead was randomly appointed the new spot, has become a UK legend and world-renound show space for acoustic DIY musicians. i played here on the december 2007 tour with pj. it was too cold in the conservatory, so we bundled up in the kitchen. as i went through my second song, the kitchen table literally imploded and crashed to the floor louder than a proper demolition. it was a great night.

i felt so at home there... i knew near two-dozen people attending the show, Alf, who drove us on the tour we just wrapped up in the UK, was there and his band was great. i met a bunch of new people, saw a bunch of old friends, and had a wonderful time playing the acoustic show that happened as darkness crept through the sky and the air chilled. i am so glad i was apart of the sendoff to that wonderful house. great night.

i spent most of the day today on a coach getting back to london, then training back to PJ and Gaby's house. after relaxing and doing some laundry, Neil came and picked me up. since i've been here, he and i haven't really had any time to just hang out together... it has been a mix of music and stress and fun, but we hadn't really been able to have a full one on one conversation. we went and got burritos at this really fancy downtown mexican resturant, and spent the next five hours walking around central london, talking, people watching and making up backstories for couples we saw. neil is one of the best friends a person could hope to have, caring, understanding, and hilarious. there isn't a single mean or dis-genuine bone in his body. i look forward to one day being able to see him on a normal basis, as he is one of the closest friends i could hope to have.

now, i am on pj's balcony enjoying a rare quiet outside moment in london. this city has me sitting crosslegged and in love sitting in its palm, with every twitch of its finger i see more and more reasons as to why it is where i want to settle in the end. all i want is for it to ball up and engulf me.

until next time

BRITISH TERM OF THE DAY: "Chav" a person who you'd see featured on MTV's Jersey Shore.

european tour day 05-09: the world cup of travel

2010-06-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

i was delirious, walking with neil between tube stations and bus stops, grabbing subway for breakfast, and eventually ending up crammed into megabus seats so narrow paris hilton wouldn't have enough elbow room. we stayed crammed for 8 hours, the english countryside keeping me company as neil snoozed, and my ipod keeping him company as i snoozed. there is something so charming about the rolling hills and myriad of livestock that litter the sides of the highways. ill take a view of england over a view of anywhere in the states anyday.

we got to newcastle, and it was immediately apparent we were in north england. it was drearier, the buildings were more depressed and in need of some TLC, and the general architecture recalled the days where the city was the major shipyard of england. newcastle now has transformed into a college town as to keep its head above water.

the show was good fun. the first band played their second show ever, and you could tell by their nervous antics between songs, but they had talent and potential. One Night Stand in North Dakota, friends of mine who i met the last time i was in england, played and blew me away. they have improved 10 fold over the last time i saw them, and that time they were AMAZING. i've never seen an acoustic duo display such an understanding of how to make music together. wonderful.

neil's set was awkward, after the first song my throat died and i couldn't sing, though i was playing bass for him and he was playing an acoustic. i had fun, but i think it could have been better had he done it solo, my bad! my set was interesting, the first time i've played acoustic in a long while... but i also had no voice, so i struggled through about 7 songs, being piggybacked by whisky between each song to give my throat a boost... at the end of the set i was accidentally drunk and having a good time. newcastle, you ruled.

we bussed the next day to Edinburgh, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. castles sprawled upon cliffs in the centre of a bustling city, gorgeous monstrous parks that look so out of place but fit so perfectly at the same time, and the best people watching ever.

the only people who order haggis, are american tourists.

Neil and I got food and then spent an hour walking towards the venue, only the directions we got were bad, and we ended up walking in the opposite direction with 70lbs bags on our shoulders. we went through the phases of a shitty situation real quick... we started pour confused as to where we were going, then tired from all of the hills, then pissed off at the shitty directions, then near violent, and then started laughing almost crazily at the fact that the road we were so desperate to find continued to be nonexistent. one cab ride later, and we arrived at the venue. we were greeted by a smiling PJ, Alf, and Dan, who had driven through the night from London. I met Cecil, a pink haired, vibrant french woman who runs a promotions company for a living, and Matt, a sarcastic and hard to read Manchester-born guy, who would be our drivers and providing the van for the next few days.

our show was at a bar called bannerman's, three years ago i was at this same bar with my sister, meagan, commenting on how awesome it was and how i'd love to play here. odd coincidences are the best types. the show was fun, but the real fun was after. bannerman's has an apartment above the venue specifically for touring bands. three bedrooms with 9 beds, a full kitchen with kitchenware, and clean towels folded neatly in the cubbard next to the shower. we felt like kings, and hung out til the scottish sun planted a kiss on our faces, and we rejected her, pulling across the blackout shades and falling into sweet slumber.

we walked around edinburgh for a while the next day, before heading to glasgow. O'Henry's is a tiny bar, maximum capacity of 50. the small turnout still felt rather cozy. we stayed in a university dorm that had been vacated by its previous semesters' tenants, and left to shit. there was molding food everywhere, old beer bottles and dirty dishes on the floor, it was disgusting. we were told that most students rent out their dorms for the summer, and leave all the crap they dont want for the renters to clean up, and it is a common occurrence. i dont see how anyone could live that way.

we woke up early and took an hour drive to Helensburgh, a tiny little town located on Loch Lomen, a gorgeous body of water. as PJ had lunch with his nan the rest of us went to the Loch and played frisbee, enjoying the gorgeous day. we left to head to Durham early in the afternoon... oh Durham.

lets move back to December 2007, i played a show on december 30 at the Fishtank in Durham, England... there were 30 kids who all danced, sang along, and truly cared about music. it was the best show i have ever been to. returning here had been a point of excitement for me and PJ, and in turn that had seeped into the minds of everyone else. the show did not disappoint. every band that played, every person there, and every event of the evening was perfect. a ton of the kids from newcastle came to the show, the two opening bands both killed it. the first playing noodly emo with shouted vocals, the second an all girl politically-fueled group with a violin. this. show. ruled.

and yesterday, we had a 5 hour drive to bristol, home of world-renound graffiti artist Banksy, and as we drove through the streets, their art was everywhere. it is nice to see a city appreciate an alternative form of artwork so vehemently. the venue we played at, the Croft, had two separate show spaces inside of its walls, a back room that for the night was being occupied by horrible, horrible metal bands, and the front room, which we took. the fashion-conscious metal crowd gave all of us meager-"punk" kids dirty looks as we carried on with our show. one of my favourite moments of the evening was seeing that one of the metal bands had a shirt saying "DEATH TO ALL BUT REAL METAL." if only they knew what real metal sounded like.

after the show we bid Alf, our merch guy, goodbye, as he would go to play some shows with his band. Dan left with his girlfriend to enjoy his four days off at home, and Neil, PJ and I rode with Cecil and Matt back to London to load all of the gear up 3 flights of stairs and go to sleep. I stayed with Matt and Cecil, as Gaby was not feeling very well and giving her some space is a positive thing so she can get better.

So here I am, watching USA-Slovenia football [thats soccer for you north americans] and getting ready for the day. i had a full 9 hours of sleep, the first time since i've been here. i feel refreshed. i have three more days til we leave for mainland europe, and i plan on exploring london more and more. i am going to catch a musical on the cheap and see some museums, as well as checking out infoshops and radical meeting points.

Until next time!

BRITISH TERM OF THE DAY: "Chips" and "Crisps" a chip is a french fry, usually covered with salt, pepper, and malt vinegar.. a crisp is a potato chip. learn the difference.

european tour day 03-04: the turbulence

2010-06-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

we played bridgend, wales last evening, the crowd was small but the venue and company was wonderful. the place was called hobos, a third floor venue/bar in the middle of the city with the largest suicide rate in all of the united kingdom. the room with the stage was quite long, which made the decently sized crowd seem much smaller. at 2am we headed to BT's grandma's house to sleep in her living room. she waited up for us to welcome us into her home, and inform us that since there was just one restroom, she put a bucket for us in the kitchen to use if we needed it. our sleep came quickly, and lasted entirely too short.

this starts the insanity of the story... as today will probably go down in my personal history as one of the longest, and backwards day i have ever had, and i am sure a good laugh will ensue accordingly.

we woke up at 10:45 and walked to BT's house, where his roommates cooked us this massive feast of beans, toast, hashbrowns, cereal, fruit, and juices. the food kept coming, and everyone was so excited and shocked at this gracious show of hospitality. sufficiently full and ready to get to london, where our show was this evening, we loaded into the van and got comfortable.

the van turned over, and immediately lost power. turned over again, and we got about 15 feet before it died. from then on, no more power came to the accelerator. we got out and put the emergencies on, and not having been able to put a name to the problem, we started the long process of calling the insurance company to get someone out to look at it. we, ofcourse, got the run around.... for some reason the companies didn't have records of our policy, and thus couldn't send anyone out. at this point, it is 3pm and we have been stuck in cardiff for 3 hours. finally, with some luck, we got a tow truck out with what we hoped would be a mechanic behind the wheel, ready to help us fix our problem so we could be on our merry way.

the first guy shows up and immediately says, in an extremely thick welsh accent "fucking hell, i do not want to drive this fucking thing to london," and calls another tow truck driver. he loads our van onto the back of the truck, and all 5 of us pile into the cab, 4 in the back, and me up front. the man explains he is trading trucks with a co-worker and he will be making the 4 and a half out journey to london with us. as he climbs out, the last thing we hear him yell is "oi, faggot" before his voice happily meshed in with the wind and rushing cars.

andy, our actual driver, got in and we took off. he promised to get us there in 3 hours, and seemed like an extremely nice, if not completely normal, guy. we spent the first two hours, before we hit the stop traffic, discussing battle plans. we threw plans and schemes at one another so fast it make nascar look like go-karts.

without a van, we have no tour.

we contacted anyone we knew who had a van, and jordy, a friend of pj's, gave us the okay to use his... though he could'n't drive us, and we'd have to wait til monday to get someone new put on the insurance... thus forcing us to miss one, possibly two, shows.

the traffic lurched to a stop just as we started feeling comfortable with our plans, and we soon realized the highway was closed for a 6 or so mile stretch, which added up to a 3ish hour delay. at this moment, with us having realized we now may also not make the show we so desperately wanted to go to, tonight in london, andy the driver decided to tell us about how "the niggers are the worst people to tow, cause they are all terrible." i was mortified, as was everyone else.

we continued on in the cab of this large flat bed truck, our maim'd van swaying with every lane change, invoking thoughts of it rolling off the side, leaving a trail of my underwear and everyones equipment strewn about the motorway. finally, at 9:45pm, we arrived to the windmill in brixton, south london. we loaded our equipment in and Alf, our driver/merch guy, continued on with the tow truck to drop the van off in a safe area near where its housed. PJ ran on stage as the first of his four bands playing this night had just started without him.

we breathed a sigh of relief, took a big swig, or three, of whisky, and proceeded to rattle off one of the most fun shows i have ever been a part of. the crowd was enthusiastic and knew all of the bands' catalogues. PJ and Gaby sounded wonderful as a full band, Apologies I Have None got everyone dancing and displayed a real talent for catchy hooks, my set went off with as few hitches as we could have hoped for, and the neil sutherland and friends set was unbelievable. it was as though everyone in the room decided to drop everything and just have the time of their lives for those 25 minutes that Neil's songs were being played.

it was the pay at the end of the day... the ability to let all the aggression of the situation, and frustration with how things work out be expressed in a positive, fulfilling manor. playing live can give the worst day a sunny end, and this night proved it, and cemented my feelings that i am destined to live in london.

pj rode with gaby and the equipment in her car back to his house, as me, dan, kathrine, and neil took the bus through central london over a 2 hour period to get to holloway, in north london, where pj lives. at 2am we arrived, and i bid neil and kathrine goodnight as dan and i went upstairs.

the plan from here is simple. neil and i are catching a bus from london to newcastle and playing the show tomorrow acoustic. pj, alf, and dan are staying in london and are either going to A) get the van fixed monday and meet us tuesday for the show in glasgow, B) borrow jordy's van and meet us in edinburgh on monday or C) some mix of those first two options. it will be weird to play acoustic, but it will be cool to spend a day with neil, as after this UK portion he goes back to school.

it is 4:45am, and i am watching the sun rise over north london as i wait for neil to come over at 7. today was trying, emotional, and insane... but in the end, i couldn't be happier to be here, doing exactly what i want. my passion has been touring for a long time, and it takes a trip like this to remind me of why that is sometimes.

until next time.

BRITISH TERM OF THE DAY: "bun a zoot" meaning smoke a joint. "mate, wanna bun a zoot before we get food?"

european tour day 01-02: the prelude

2010-06-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

i never slept monday night, a mix of excitement and awareness that if i slept, i would not wake up to make it for my 5:30 flight. shannon and nick drove me to richmond's airport, which was a tiny two-terminal affair. the security guards were oddly cheery considering the sun hadn't risen. my flight to chicago was a blur, i remember buckling in, and unbuckling at chicago's o'hare airport... i can only speculate i passed out during the entire ride.

a two hour wait and duty free carton of cigarettes later, and i am sitting on the centre aisle of a 300 seater plane about to go across the atlantic. no matter how many times i feel the the vibrations of the plane lurching to a start, i will never feel comfortable as the large steel death trap i am in raises into the air. the nine hours flew by quickly, with the aid of 6 episode of "OZ" on my laptop, a ginger ale, and my new kindle.

i got off the plane and got slack from the customs agent for not having my return ticket with me, though it is near impossible to get a ticket for a plane flight that is in over a month from now. after clearing customs, pj and gaby met me in the arrivals area and we had a warm embrace... i haven't seen those two in near 2 years, which is way too long for my liking. sleep came swiftly, as i was spoiled with a full size bed all to myself.

wednesday was spent in a practice studio that joe from apologies, i have none! works at. we took the tube from holloway to wilston green and as we got off the train i was met by the one and only neil sutherland, an epic reunion near 9 months in the making. the studio was gorgeous, sound proofed and ready for 8 hours of music. first up was practicing for neil sutherland and friends' set. paul and chris, the drummer and bassist, respectively, dicked out of the tour about 10 days prior to me leaving for europe. in a last minute effort, pj learned the drums and i learned the bass, filling in the holes so neil could still do the tour electric. it was really nice to play a different instrument, as i haven't picked up a bass in near 6 years.

dan postin, who decided to come along and drum for imadethismistake, showed up around 2 in the afternoon, and the next 5 hours were spent focusing on our tunes... it was the most amazing practice i have ever had. we went through the 10 song set, perfectly, the first time through... backing vocals and all. i was blown away by the attention to detail and proficiency that pj and dan had when it came to my songs. it was a wonderful experience.

we were all beat and went back to pj's apartment in holloway and passed out rather early, as today we woke up around 8 and headed to josh and bondy from apologies' apartment to have another day of practicing. and that has been my trip so far.

tomorrow we leave for bridgend, wales... where the first official show of tour will start. i am so excited to play, and start our travels. the two days i have spent here so far, though they have been spent cooped up in a practice space, have been full of old and new friends, and great times. i am about to head to sleep...where it may be 8pm in richmond right now, it is 1am here. goodnight, all. til next time!

BRITISH TERM OF THE DAY: "cushty" - meaning all is good. "that is really cushty!"

european tour day 00: the reckoning

2010-06-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

in 9 hours i start my trek from richmond to london, where two full days will be spent rehearsing both for imadethismistak & neil sutherland and friends. i am very excited to make this trip.

i will be keeping a tour blog here, and am hoping to update it daily.

i was once the wine, i was once alive.

2010-06-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

i guess i feel abandoned... you took your emotion out of me and put it into someone else, leaving a shell of what was once amazing. no matter how hard i try to rekindle the closeness that i thought would be forever, you feel worlds apart.... wrapped in the arms of someone else while still trying to pretend like you can be as close with me as you were. i love you, but i need to miss you less. i need to detach more, because it is unhealthy for me to continue to yearn for that connection.

lately i have been seeing someone... i am not sure how serious it is, or how serious it will be, but it has been making me feel good about myself for the first time in a while. my confidence is returning, slowly but surely i am picking up the pieces and fixing them in a way that it is filling the void.

i want to be happy, and it pains me to say that whatever it is that we have, is not doing that.

ofcourse i like you.

2010-06-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

i spent today lying on the st. james river, anchoring myself on a rock so the strong current wouldn't take me downstream. as the water rushed over me i felt at peace for the first time in a long while. i am very ready for europe, and at the same time am sad to be leaving richmond. it is bittersweet.

if you read this, please go check out the band Tiger's Jaw. the song "i saw water" is absurdly good.

smiling, laughing, flirting, smiling.

2010-05-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

new crushes are exciting, it is nice to have a consistently positive view of someone. the honeymooning period of dating, from the first candid hello to the long conversations in the wee hours of the morning, to meeting the friends... it is a good time. i guess the problem is keeping that feeling alive, especially over long term relationships.

but who needs to think about the downfall of a relationship and the end of the "stars in the eyes" period, when i am still just thinking of the possibilities. shannon said to me the other day that you cannot project yourself into a future that does not exist. its very true.

edward teach

2010-05-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

i cannot wait to get to europe. PJ & Neil are two of the closest people I have to me, and they live an ocean away. Last year i got to spend near 8 weeks with Neil as he came on tour with me around the states... this year i get to spend a week playing in his band, and a full month with PJ in my band. it is going to be the time of my life, i can tell already.

richmond has been great, chris is visiting shannon so it is nice to have him around. leslie moved out, nick is moving in. brandiff will be moving in by the time i am home from europe, and then this house will be set for the time being. it is going to be crazy living in a house with 4 other people, i just feel lucky that i like them all a lot and they are great friends.

death cab for cutie at the university of miami stadium, november 21 2006

2010-05-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

the only way i get to see her is on the promotional video of her mother who is running for congress. we dated very briefly, but very intensely, and had a wonderful time together. over the years her phone number was lost as i went through phones faster than guitar strings, and her internet presence is non-existent. no facebook, no myspace, no nothing. i don't even have an e-mail address.

i just want to let her know i am really sorry, and that she is a wonderful person. i hope she is happy.

im done with the woods... lets go.

2010-05-21T01:04:00.000-07:00

im ready to move forward.

eating glass to find out how it tastes.

2010-05-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

spent this past week at rad fest in wilmington, north carolina. i was so excited i finally got to see junior battles... i am not normally into that style of pop punk, but for some reason they have totally seduced my musical taste buds. they delivered, promptly and swiftly. they played all 4 songs from their 7" that i cherish so much. it is eponymous and available through http://www.ifyoumakeit.com for free download. i highly suggest it.

otherwise, living in the closet underneath the stairs in richmond is working out quite well right now. i am going to work on writing some songs tomorrow, what project they are for is up in the air, but i have been feeling quite drawn to emotional spastic hardcore lately, a la kidcrash, the brass, and his hero is gone. who knows?!

abandon all hope, ye who enter here

2010-05-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

i moved into a house on clay st. in richmond's jackson ward community. shannon and dominique live here, brandiff and nick are moving in. my room is underneath the stairs, a foyer for the back door that has been used as storage for the past two years. it took about 6 hours of cleaning, organizing, and picking through thick dust covered bags to see what is in them... but i am completely set up. there are pictures below. i cannot wait til i get more settled in this.

the room is roughly 6'x5'x10'.

the door, a bed sheet purchased from the thrift store dominique works at today.

this photo is taken from the curtain, looking in right on the room. my bed is made out of a sleeping pad, with two comforters and a sleeping bag stacked and folded. shannon lent me a cloth shoe rack to use as a clothing shelf, and underneath is a tub with excess clothes and small objects.

this is a shot taken standing on my pillow. my stereo, shannon's fan, and my little plastic filing drawers filled with cottage records things.

this is from the foot of the bed, as you can see... it is the same as two photos up... its a tiny, tiny room.

the internet makes it too easy for idiots to talk shit.

2010-05-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

there is a radical lending library in richmond looking for volunteers, i think i am going to try to get involved. this is the first city i am moving to with a generally well established community. so excited. i move saturday now. a few more days in providence should yield positive times.

last night would have been perfect if a motorway wasn't directly across from the river i was sitting at, drinking cider and talking. regardless, it was pretty wonderful.

true life: im a fucking dickwad in the hamptions... or thats what it should be called

2010-05-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

i have been spending time in providence since thursday. most of my time has been spent hanging out with my two closest friends here, jillian and chris. both of whom have plans in place to relocate to my new home, richmond. that excites me. having four of my, say, six closest friends in one city would be a dream come true. since i was 13 i have never had a "group of friends," opting for clouser individual relationships with people. i have always thrived in one on one situations. it would be an amazing dynamic to have a group of people to do things with. just saying.

veracious flowers

2010-04-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

magical. providence has been magical.

capital of the south

2010-04-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

shannon, dominique, nick, and i sat down on the front porch and spoke. on may 10, ill be moving to richmond, virginia, there is a small spare room in the back of the bottom floor i am going to put a bed in and call my own. i think this is the most positive thing i could be doing right now. surrounding myself with those i adore, those i love. i love providence, its a city i've been proud to call home, but living there right now is holding onto the hope that things will be the way they were. that will never happen, and to hope for it would be foolish. starting new is starting new, no matter how you dress it up.

eight east clay

2010-04-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

i had the most wonderful drive into richmond today. i left atlanta at midnight and put my ipod on shuffle and smoked a lot of cigarettes and snacked on peanut butter crackers. 8 hours used to seem like an eternity in the car, an amount of time too horrible to even imagine being glued to one spot for. last night it felt too short. the sun rose as i entered richmond proper and it gave me an even more happy start to the day. i have been putting a lot of consideration into moving to richmond. the town is wonderful and easy to get around in, there is tons going on and a vibrant community exists, the music scene is rich, and two of my closest friends, and a myriad of other great people i know, live here. my friends are what make me happiest. i think richmond is where i may end up next.

im spending today with shannon and dominique, tomorrow with nicole, and the few days after with jillian. i love being surrounded by rad, sound minded women... though the sound minded part is debatable.

Lyrics for Bow and Quiver

2010-04-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

these are the lyrics for the new imadethismistake record, "Bow and Quiver."

New York
its like i've been given a three inch blade
to take down a full grown oak
its not so much impossible as it is unlikely i'd ever have follow through to go on

but the trees loom overhead casting shadows like skyscrapers
with little stiff bodies hanging from the windows
with their heads rolled off to the side

i think its about time you go home

i wont lie awake tonight

Evasion Tactics
there are simple solutions to your silly problems
just grow thicker skin and sprout some common sense

and if the plants arent nourished then the garden wont flourish
let the air and earth thrive and cooler heads prevail

but what i do know is this
if you've got nothing to miss
get on the road right now
let the wind rush in with the windows down
and do this
for yourself, and no one else
for yourself, and no one else
this life was meant to be lived
not spent knee deep in a sea of greed

if the roots are your heart and the bark is the skin
you need to toughen up your layers and prepare for the seasons

you have that unsuspecting glare, and a dead eyed stare
i know a mourner when i see one

and it takes all brawn we have
to get past the skys tumultuous glance
it will take all the soil in the world
to raise a crop big enough to yield what we deserve

Billboards

im tired of sitting still so im standing yet nothing willcure my restlessness
this season breeds too much free time

so i call all my friends but theyre wrapped in their heads their lives are so complex
i reap the benefits of simplicity

if theres nothing to change does it mean i am to blame for these feelings of shame
with great sacrafise comes great responsibility

an expression of dissention quickly changes my intentions yes i agree
we are fickle, diluted, greedy

erase, resist, deface
eat the wolves or they eat you

im tired of sitting still so im running and nothing will change the way i feel
pissed off, agitated, overly aggressive

now this mix of moods affects all that i do no wonder they tell me i've changed
i wonder if it is for the better

now i'm discontent with this argument that theres a purpose for me
theres no baseline to establish a reading

if we erase this mess and resist the stress we will survive the cold
deface the billboards that pollute our lines of vision

Rogue Island
take your sweater off, its not cold outside
the rain washed away all the pesticides
and now we can finally eat all of our own food

put your boots on if you know whats good
cause the mud will impact in the soles of your shoes
and youll track soot and sand into our bright home

we live in abyss, a pristine antithises
to the mortar and pestle of late
because we raised our glass when we were told not to drink

we stood real tall when we were told we were too short to ride
we jumped ahead when we were made to stay in line
and as we pushed against the riot squad
under visors and fear they retreat to the quad
and main street was declared partisan free, finally

sold the malls to the gypsys to sell their goods
let the poor move into upscale neighbourhoods
and let trannys and tramps run for office in every state

broke down double-standards and opened closed doors
stoked the fire that burnt down gender roles
and man and woman could love whomever they chose

set ben franklin ablaze and melted the coin
took care of our own and didnt exploit
the other countries that are too little to peak over the dash

no we helped them from the ground to their feet
sat them in our laps and taught them how to speak
but when they opened their mouths strange noises came out
and i opened my eyes and realized
i was dreaming, and it was time to go to work

my check wont clear til late next week
my phones turned off
and its time to pay for the heat
theres no one looking out for me
and i find it hard to believe

that the costs incurred are justified
no theyre absurd i surely wont abide
by these rules anymore
theres gotta be something more

and with that i struck a match
lit the bill, watched the flame, and made a dash
for the coast i need to get away
this stress is killing me

i need a new place, i need some more time
the happiness ive been so desperate to find
wont come easy itll take some work
put a shovel in your hands and lets see how much youre worth

it takes more than you know [it takes more than you know]
it takes more than i care to admit
i find it hard to come to terms [i find it hard to come to terms]
i find it hard, so i just dont

think positive, be rational, stay alert
three rules to making life all its worth
it will take some time but patience is a necessity
the air is fresh outside lock your doors and leave your keys

Stateside
the last decision that you ever made
left a void in her world that is larger than the
hole you left in the concrete

no note, no kiss goodbye
no simple words to calm the nerves
of a little girl whose life splintered like
driftwood colliding against the rocks

as you were falling down
did the wind begin to speak
did it whisper in your ear
"youre mine to keep"

this life my dear
is never clear
its a shade of gray
that only the clouds in new england can impersonate

your casket closed when we came to show
respect and admiration that you did not deserve
and will never have the chance to earn

your body may be gone it doesnt mean we will forget
it goes on, your memory lives on, and it pains us all

this life my dear
is never clear
its a shade of gray
that only the clouds in new england can impersonate

you shed a tear
then
disappeared

your reared and roared
off the third floor
of a parking garage
in downcity providence
without a care in the world or a thought to that little girl

Sub-Tropics
with crossroads up ahead the world turns itself inside out
if all rivers run red, let them bleed to the south

it'll make florida swell up, the suwanee will flood
the everglades burst orange fields to mud
the whole damn state becomes a plague the bible warned us about

as tides rise high the wind scurries in from the east
as they circle and swirl the eye becomes a break from the beast

as tires hit pavement the rearview mirror gives a glare
it burns my eyes i cross the state line and i am clear
Weak Week
i had a feeling things would end up this way
cloth covered wounds held together with duct tape
a cat fight is unfair if it is a tiger and a tabby

extend your claws grip them tight into skin
fill the room up with smoke we can suffocate in sin
its not very often we have a guest so broken in

this is a black tie affair i think youre mighty under dressed
go down the hallway to the coat room and steal yourself a vest
lift the wallets from their pockets and raise a glass and sing

about how you hate to litter
but every butt you finish ends up
on the lawn or in the gutter
and im not falling for those high school parlour tricks anymore

no i grew up at sixteen
and then again at eighteen
and yet again at twenty one
you'd be a fool to think you're done

lifes about taking risks
so lets take a risk on this

theres no point
there is no time to waste
hold on tight
the sky and the sea can relate
to how it feels
to be walked on and cut through all day
to be dragged down and push back
to be put in a state of dismay

theres no point
in fighting battles that cannot be won
we lost the war
pitch a white flag and toss down your gun

i had a feeling things would end up this way

it is my right
to live without having to fight
for every scrap of bread
or a place to rest my head

start your car
we need to escape post haste
take what you can
nothing should be left to waste
i know how it feels
to be walked on and cut through all day
to be dragged down and push back
to be put in a state of dismay

Winter in New Bedford
i need a life i can call my own
i need somewhere to reside
i need to learn to live for my self
youll mend your wounds in time

the gauze and wrappings are just weeks old
though red spots peek through
these shallow wounds hold much deeper meaning
as fall ends, winter consumes

i need a place to call my own
you need a purpose and time
to figure out the degrees of your angles
your sin, tangent, and cosign

you're obtuse in your way of thinking
but acute when you speak
we lost our way but we're still running parallel
at this point a solution seems bleak

my life needs motivation and drive
its stance firm and unwavering
but waking up has become the hardest thing to do
because my dreams seem to be so real

the alarm sounds and the week begins
the alarm sounds and you flinch
the alarm sounds and we pray for five more minutes
but no such thing exists

wake up kid theres snow out side, twenty four inches of pearly white
now strap your boots and tighten your belt
we built this man now watch him melt

im finding comfort in calories and condiments
in large amounts and single servings
im finding solace in salt and saturated fats
and i simply can no longer take being

a recluse with nowhere to go
cemented inside my home
these keys make thoughts so much easier to transpose
and this screen is a window

im seeing clearly for the first time and i dont like
this shell of who i was
im taking ownership for my mistakes and i dont blame
you for walking out

this situation is starting to get messy
our problems litter the floor
we'll take a step back and start from nothing
and build a brand new fort

The Grimmerie 1: A Not So Fond Farewell
its not a book of spells, more a diary of the hell
i have lived through for these past forty years.
its a miracle that i, no matter how hard i've tried,
have not ended this misery before.
but now this story can cease, i no longer have to be
the weight on the back of my family
its a sensational feeling to know i will be ending
on my own terms, on my own time

no im not afraid
of anyone or anything
and no one can talk me out of this

by the time you read this my life will have been erased
and my debt to society will have been paid in full
i'll no longer feel the need to be an upstanding, good natured,
patriotic, family oriented citizen, im just a civilian, no theres no reason

to cultivate this land, they don't care about fellow man
just the green each share will yield.
we were worked like slaves to enhance the trade
we were promised fair wage but no spades
sweet brother jebehdai took a bullet to the side
he wanted bread they said necessary force
his crutches held him high as he looked to the sky
and plunged off the cliff oh two years ago now

it hurts to lose the ones you love
but in time you will find them again
we will stick, like tar, to the veins of your heart
we will tear at the seems of your skin

i spent a year on the streets where i was lucky enough to find
a cardboard box big enough to hide behind
when the boys on the beat would go around and taunt
the shit out of each and every one right neighbourly
i would scream and cry as metal bat met thigh
my knees buckled and my head hit the concrete
i saw their grins draw wide they had rage in their eyes
and an adolescent face crossed with lost innocence

by the time you read this my life will have been erased
and along with it my debt to society will be paid in full
i'll no longer feel the need to be an upstanding, good natured,
patriotic, family oriented citizen, im just a civilian, no theres no reason

it hurts to lose the ones you love
but in time you will find them again
they will stick, like tar, to the veins of your heart
they will tear at the seems of your skin

now i think it is time to complete this crime
against the laws of humanity and decency
laying dormat for years breeds paranoia and fear
the likes of which youll never know
life never treated me well, now i look forward to a hell
whose cozy warm facade seems so welcoming
treat your neighbours like your brothers
treat your brothers like yourself
and never your riches get the best of you

The Grimmerie 2: Go Ahead, Ascend
when the lights go out our eyes adjust to the darkness that consumes the walls of this house
and the cracks in the paint and the tears in the wallpaper
mark history, and exude confidence but they tend to be the reasons we feel at home in this dusty one room house
where we settle for being content, and happiness is a pup chasing a hair so close but unattainable

when the leaves in the trees shake like a bird with sand caught in its feathers we brace
for the storm threatening to come, the skies turn red when the sun threatens to fall like a
blade attached to a guillotine or like a book removed from the shelf theres a hole in this sacred yet changing vow to always be together and to ket rational thought trump blind, rash emotion
our happiness is like a car caught in the mud, tires revolving but going nowhere

with a wave of your hand you send me off to collect my things from the shed where
we kept our treasures and posessions that needed their own space and time to reflect
on their uses and places in our lives but when i opened the door nothing was there
just a note that said "im sorry for the way things are working out, but our happiness is just like your ego
its inflated and overcompensating"

i wont lie awake tonight
no ill sleep just fine
this pillow is so soft
and these sheets are so warm
and the nights are so long
boys will be boys
and girl will be alright

it's like i've been given a three inch blade to take down a full grown oak, it's not so much impossible as it is unlikely i'd ever have the follow through to go on.

sleepwalk powder

2010-04-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

playing solo again is weird. i miss having a band, turning the volume up and jumping around. i love telling stories and things being more intimate, but it is more fun for me to play full band.

tour is cut short, im heading back to rhode island for a month and a half to adjust and recuperate after the chattanooga show. i can't wait.

things have been odd.

if anyone calls me jack sparrow i'll castrate them.

2010-04-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

today i got my eyes looked at by a doctor for the first time in two years. two years ago he told me they were deteriorating at an unusually fast rate. this time, he explained to me why my eyes are in constant pain... my left eye is operating at around 15% of what it should be. forcing the right eye to compensate and strain itself. i always knew i'd end up blind, but i didn't realize it'd be this quick. this strain is causing pain and irritation around my eyes, and explains my constant wateriness. i am getting an eye patch to relieve the strain on my right eye, so now i get to look like a pirate. fuck.

fml ttyl jk lol and any other short hand i fucking hate.

2010-04-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

depression has a stranglehold on me. it has for years. i have had those cold, dead hands... callous and emotionless... constantly closing their grip around my throat for as long as i can remember. i have always found a way to keep breathing despite. i dealt with it by playing hockey when i was younger, and then by making music. and then by prescription medication. the meds didn't work, but marijuana filled that void and helped set me in a decent place. in recent years it has been food and cigarettes that have led to an escape from total reclusiveness.

being in south florida has brought out the worst in my depressive tendencies. i don't want to do a fucking thing. i want to sit down on my comfy couch, watch dexter, eat food, and talk to the MAYBE four people who i keep in constant contact with. i've gained a bit of the weight i was so proud to lose back. i am not happy about that.

i spent last night feeling really terrible for myself. i thrust myself into traveling aimlessly, and then spending over two weeks in a place i hate more than any other... all because of a shitty day in a city i love. because of this i am away from people i love, gaining weight back, and am bored out of my mind. but i put myself in this situation, so there is no one to blame and nothing to feel sorry for. i need to make my own time.

i want to see jillian, i miss hanging out with her. not only did we live together in a romantic relationship for two years, but in that time she has become my closest friend, the person who knows the most about me. i feel vulnerable not having her around. i miss shannon and dominique, my two richmond confidants who bring me the largest smiles of anyone, and keep me in check with my political ideals. i miss chris, who became my "jon perry" of providence, making music together and having unbridled fun together has always been our fortay. i am excited to hang out with nicole, she has been the person who has been here for me most in the last month or so. our conversations are highlights of my days, and always something to look forward to.

thinking about these things brings me happiness, keeps my focus positive, and keeps me sane. i need to get out of here. i can't believe i alotted myself another full week to be here. but i will wait it out, try to be more active and healthy, and leave here with a great few trips ahead of me, and some really great friends to see.

lower the flags, raise up the earth

2010-04-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

my birthday was tuesday. i turned 22. the only thing that feels different is that i now have a bad ache in my left arm. it feels like a pulled muscle, and it is making it impossible to sleep. i passed out at 5am after watching a movie, and woke up at 7 with this pain. no matter what position i am in, it is strained and pulsating, screaming for a solution i just don't have.

south florida has been a weird time. the weather has been magnificent, low 80s with a constant cool breeze and low humidity. it is as if the clouds and sun and wind all got together and sat down and said, "listen, he is coming down here for two weeks, he has no friends and nothing to do, lets give him a break on the humidity and heat for once, agreed?" the problem is i have no motivation to go outside. ahh petty problems.

i was going to write more, but my arm is truly hurting, enough to render me unable to continue. until next time.

throw your friends in front of moving trains

2010-04-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

things seem quite fast forwarded as of late, events happening rapidly and without warning, a steady stream of new events and constant change i am not used to. i am happy, i believe.

i have been speaking with this rad lady from new haven who has too much in common with me for it to be a coincidence. i am smiling a lot, which i am taking as a good thing.

booked my euro flights, and said fuck it and booked the return date as july 15. i may not be able to do some merching i wanted to, but i will spend some extra time in rhode island, and surrounding areas more. i spent an entire winter in new england and reaped none of the benefits of muscling through it for the spring and summer. it should be beautiful, and i don't want to miss it.

good things, kids. good things. until next time!

2010-04-01T21:01:00.001-07:00

i feel lonely, distraught, and like i ought not to meddle in places i have no business being in.

anarchtica

2010-03-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

i am feeling very comfortable on the road, not getting tired while driving, not getting restless sitting in the car for 10+ hours... just positive associations. yesterday i drove from washington d.c. to chattanooga, tn. a few years ago i would have had no reason to come here, but now i have three pretty close friends in the area.

John-Michael and Emily are married, and have been together since they were 16. that type of romance sparks such a wide smile when i think about it, i appreciate the idea behind high school sweethearts. Emily is a tattoo artist, and recently handled my forearm Two Funerals cat. We are adding the other two tomorrow morning, and I can not wait. last time was one of the most pleasurable experiences i have ever had under the needle. emily has a gentle hand whilst pressing deep enough to make significant marks, her shading is phenomenal and she is a pleasure to talk to. it is absurd she has only been an artist for three years... i look forward to a decade from now when she is ruling at life.

John-Michael and i met when he reviewed my second record, It's Okay. he called it "the folk-punk four minute mile," which is a huge compliment even though i HATE THE TERM FOLK PUN K. we struck up a friendship through shitty horror movies and an intense passion for new music. he currently runs http://www.the1stfive.com , a great new resource for news and music reviews, and their first feature is a download of some tracks i recorded last year! would you look at that!

my other friend in chattanooga is Allison, who i just saw a week ago as i drove her band, P.S. Eliot, around on tour. what a wonderful person. we are hanging out in about twenty minutes and going to the new sluggos, going thrifting, and playing music. it should be a wonderful day.

i love chattanooga.

Richmond, a haiku

2010-03-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

Richmond, Virginia

your streets are crowded with friends

leaving fucking sucks

a year on the road.

2010-03-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

these are my tentative plans for the rest of the year.

april 18 - may 8: solo-acoustic tour from florida up to chicago and through canada to providence.

may 10 - may 27: tour managing / doing merch for mose giganticus, as well as playing a few shows including RAD FEST

may 28-30: playing and enjoying hanging out at Crucial Fun Fest

june 8 - july 8: full band electric tour in the UK and Europe

July/August: tour managing / doing merch, haven't finalized the details on with who yet.

September/October: full band west coast tour

November: sleep.

it is just a human baby

2010-03-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

richmond is a place i could live. the buildings, a lot of them built during the final days of the civil war, are old and the entire feel of the city is very relaxed. it is completely bike able, flat streets are littered with bike lanes, and the ones without do not matter as drivers are sympathetic to the plight of the cyclist. there is good food and great shows, and the people are generally fantastic. i like richmond, a lot.

hanging out here has been fun, but i am excited to move on. i do not want to become restless or bored with this place, as i am just kind of hanging out. shannon and dominique start real life today, with the former having school and work and the latter just work. leslie and i have been hanging out, but things have cooled down greatly. this house is full of three really awesome ladies.

i rode around yesterday, getting lunch and then getting ingredients to make poutine for a movie night. poutine is a canadian dish that consists of french fries, gravy, and shredded cheese. god damn delicious. we made it vegan and it turned out awesomely, though the potatoes could have been cooked a bit more. i watched "Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind," and really enjoyed it. i have seen more anime in the last few weeks than i have in the last few years, but i am kind of okay with that! Nausicaa was a really nice tale.

I am supposed to be heading to D.C. today to go to the smithsonian with Leslie, but it is already 11:30 and I just woke up, and i think she is still sleeping upstairs. My stomach is providing some pain and it is getting late, so I think I will skip out on the trip.

richmond, take 2

2010-03-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

we splurged last night and stayed at the courtyard mariott in columbus, ohio. i shared a room with the two funerals, getting a pull out couch all to myself. the single bed could have been king sized for all i knew, having my own mattress was a lovely experience. couches can be comfortable, but nothing compares to a mattress you do not have to share [ or are sharing with someone you really want to .]

one breakfast buffet and eight hours of driving later, the merry band of touring musicians split up. P.S. Eliot headed on their way back to Alabama, Kyler ran off to play a show with his other band, Field Day, and i am sitting on the couch where i started a week ago, an adventure completed and a new one beginning.

this is going to be a short update, tomorrow i am going to finish organizing a solo acoustic tour for april / may, and work on planning out doing merch for mose giganticus between that and europe. i am spending 2010 in different cities constantly. it is going to be a great year. until next time.

i think i think i think i am so creative

2010-03-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

i am sitting in a legendary house. the legion of doom is one of columbus, oh's mainstays and one of the best run DIY punk houses in the nation. it has been going strong for 15 years this month, and has hosted shows for the likes of Hot Water Music, saetia, and tonight... P.S. Eliot, The Two Funerals, and Cheap Girls. i have never actually been in here, but i have heard about it numerous times. i am sitting on the couch in the living room next to one of the 25-cube ikea shelves made for record and book nerds. it is full of really great literature, spanning years of residence.

wednesday we played st. patrick;s daty in boston, needless to say it was quite a drunk night for most people. the show was packed, the crowd rowdy and at times a bit uneasing. chris came from providence to see shannon, whom he has been courting and visa versa. they are very, very cute. jillian came to see me and p.s. eliot. it was awkward for a minute, she obviously had a lot to say. we got outside and sat down and spoke for about an hour, about how the last week has been and the conclusion to our relationship that ended up not being so much a conclusion as it was a starting point for more conversation. i expressed how happy i was to be traveling and living for myself, and that i was interested in continuing it. we are still broken up, a decision for the better, but things are being left open for the future. whatever happens, happens. i am still in a good head space.

yesterday we drove from boston to new york city to pick up more 7"s. PSE has been doing incredibly well on merch, and ran out of 50 7"s in 5 shows. we had the unfortunate luck of entering brooklyn at 5:45pm on a weekday. it took us almost two hours to move two miles through the city and onto the jersey turnpike. will and katherine, at one point, hopped out of the car and got hot dogs for everyone from a street vendor, then simply walked the fifteen feet we had moved and got back in. we arrived around 8pm to the show in philadelphia at the ava house, very late with the show promoter stressing. the two funerals opened up due to some local band whining and not wanting to play first. they still ruled. shannon bought me a mike's hard lemonade [I DO NOT CARE ITS FUCKING DELICIOUS] and i drank for the first time in many, many months. i jumped around and danced for p.s. eliot and had a generally great time.

that leaves us with today, an 8 hour drive to columbus. i think we are splurging for a hotel room tonight since kyler's dad works for mariott and we get a really awesome deal. there is an indoor pool. i am excited. tomorrow we drive 7 hours back to richmond, and my adventure continues, sans touring. until next time!

bropra

2010-03-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

tonight was a show at lu lu's in brooklyn, a really cool bar with multiple indoor levels and terraces. the bar served a free pizza with every beer purchased, and the stage was about four feet tall. very cool opened up, which is ex-members of cheeky and potboiler. they were pretty fantastic. two funerals played second, p.s. eliot third, and big soda last. the music was good tonight, and that has been a trend on tour so far.

my sister, meagan, goes to med school in the bronx. she took a train down and came to the bar to hang out. it was lovely seeing her for a couple of hours. we get at each others throats when we hang out for too long ,so a nice short burst of her was perfect. i like that showing her a new tattoo and piercing invokes an interested look and attitude as opposed to a disgusted one, as it used to. she has opened up a lot and lost a lot of the pretension and condescending attitude that drove us apart in the first place. it is part her maturing, and part her not dating gabe anymore. they were together for a full decade and i was never really a fan of him. he tossed money around to impress and had little tact. ahh well.

tomorrow we are spending st. patty's day in boston. i think it is going to be nuts. the show starts at 7pm sharp apparantly. it will be weird to be back in new england after taking a sabatical from it. it is only for a day, which is fine. i am hoping to hit up spikes dogs, or grasshopper. jillian is coming from providence. it will be an interesting day. until next time!

otis the bear

2010-03-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

Monday night we played at the Golden West, a really cool bar / resturant in Baltimore. it was kind of a hectic time, i had to re-organize all of the merch for both bands and get settled into my role, the first time I have ever been on tour and not playing. the first band all had matching ergs shirts, and played alt-rock. the two funerals played second and killed it, that band truly is at their best when they are not in their hometown. i cannot speak for them but there is such a huge difference between playing for your friends at home and playing for a random crowd in a random city. they seem to thrive off of it. P.S. Eliot played last and everyone broke out into dance and song. it is cool to see them every night, and it is equally as cool to see they are widely appreciated. we stayed at amy, the girl who set up the show,'s house.

we were awoken at 6am by a jackhammer being used on the intersection the house rested upon. everyone laughed at first, and then grew increasingly more annoyed and hostile as it persisted. or so i hear... i am the only one who slept through it. i do not pity them. we spent the morning at One World cafe getting great vegetarian good. that resturant rules, except for the extremely slow service and really hostile wait staff. i have never had a good experience with the staff ther,e but the food is just too good.

we arrived in DC yesterday in time to spent 40 minutes perusing the smithsonian institute. i have never been, and immediately ran to the american history portion. in a former life i was majoring in history education at florida state university, so having the ability to see the hat Lincoln wore to Ford's theatre left me giddy. sadly, we did not have nearly enough time since we arrived late. i plan on trying to get back there once i get back from this tour and spending a day or two nerding out about history.

we played at the third st. co-op, a house with a tiny basement that they do shows in. as i entered the kitchen to find out where we should load in to, i was greeted with 4 people i know from different areas of the country, all randomly and independently being in one place together. it was one of the most insane coincidences i have ever experienced. it was kind of overwhelming, actually, i had so much to catch up about and it is impossible for me to hold 4 conversations simultaneously.

a hardcore band opened the show up by givng a shout out to "all the other hardcore bands playing tonight," and proceeded to throw himself into allison and katie and another girl. it was really shitty, and a horrible way to treat a visitor to your city, at a house show nonetheless. allison almost kicked the shit out of him, but held off in favour of chris, the promoter, talking to him. that kind of disrespect is so beyond my comprehension.

leslie drove up from richmond to hang out and see the show. we went to sticky fingaz before the show and ate some amazing vegan cupcakes. i am stoked she came, it is great conversation and hang outs. she ended up staying the night in dc with us, and after the show everyone was mostly drunk and high [sans myself] and we all just joked around. it was overall one of the most pleasant times i have had in DC.

today is brooklyn, where i am writing to you from the ifyoumakeit apartment. i did a pink couch session, and the other groups did one as well. tonight my sister will be meeting us at the show, and i am excited to see her. meagan is an amazing individual, and though we do not always think along the same track, our paths cross more than occasionally. until next time!

sometimes we bleed

2010-03-15T00:13:00.000-07:00

it is amazing how quickly a plan that seems solid can get turned upside down. a mere 12 hours ago i was under the impression i would spend two quiet days hanging out in a giant, empty house in richmond with a new friend. this morning, all of that changes.

P.S. Eliot, which consists of Katie, Allison, Will, and Kathrine, borrowed a van before tour. it is a ford econoline from 1991, with a raised top, 4 captains chairs, and a tv with vhs for the back seats. it is my dream van. they had problems going from Birmingham to Richmond, their engine kept overheating and emitting white smoke, i knew this problem well. this past summer i spent my time living on a bus Jillian and i converted into a home. we parked it in the woods, and enjoyed a simple life. our engine kept overheating very quickly, and the problem was a lack of radiator fluid.

Will and i procured fluid, some motor oil, and a fuel injector cleaner from a gas station soon after i checked the engine. as we were pulling into the parking spot behind their van, i noticed that their plate's registration sticker had the year "09" on it. soon after it was verified that they were driving an unregistered, uninsured vehicle quite illegally. they seemed to be stranded, so we loaded all of their stuff into my car, and i am now doing merch and driving them on tour. i will be traveling with both bands for the next 7 days, and i am so excited. as i have said, p.s. eliot is one of my top bands right now, and have been on constant rotation. the two funerals are amazing and it is always great to see them. things change so quickly, and with such veracity that it throws me off course a bit, but this time it didn't take too long for me to get back on track.

so in the matter of a few hours i went from relaxing to on the move, entangled in a new friendship to guiding people across the country. we were in baltimore tonight, i got situated behind the merch booth and re-organized everything, both bands had energetic sets, and a ton of people came to see P.S. and knew all the words. We are now heading north, up to brooklyn and then boston. i will be seeing jillian and chris, and possibly a few other familiar faces on the st. patty's day return to new england. it is a lot sooner than i thought it would happen, but it is only for a day. i look forward to seeing what happens.

so i get back to richmond sunday, and then am taking a trip with leslie somewhere... no clue... just somewhere. and i am thinking of heading to chattanooga after to finish my right arm up. we will see. until next time!

introverted romance in these troubled times

2010-03-13T22:03:00.000-08:00

richmond has to be the easiest city to ride a bike in. the drivers are respectful and share the road, there is a constant stream of cyclists so you never feel alone, and it is very very flat, leading to nice, joyful rides. i spent a large portion of the day with leslie biking around richmond. we had lunch at strange matter, and played 25cent arcade games. mortal kombat 2 is noticeably harder in the arcade than on genesis.

tonight was a show at the dull house, whose tiny living room set the stage for an epic night of female fronted rock. i arrived a bit late, catching the last half of the second band, dangerous ponies. there were 8 people in the band, in various tribal paint and zoot suits, playing quirky folky punk akin to a more innocent Blackbird Raum. they were suprisingly good. hop along, from philadelphia, played second. they opened with a black sabbath cover, which garnered them some instant respect. i am not terribly into what they do, but they had a lot of energy and the singer was a really rad lady.

p.s. eliot is a band i have been listening to a lot since the second half of 2009. their catchy melodies atop surfy- pop punk and witty lyrics caught my attention near immediately. this was the first time i had the ability to hang out and see them. not only were they all really nice people, but they killed it live. they played 6 songs, 4 from their record and 2 new ones. with a bit of encouragement they played the song "troubled medium," an obvious fan favourite whose chorus is equal parts catchy and earnest. i was so excited to finally get the chance to watch them live, and they did not disappoint.

the two funerals got 2 minutes into their first song before the red and blue flashing lights could be seen through the drawn curtains. richmond's finest decided to ruin the fun, and one of my favourite bands couldn't even get to the bridge of their cut. musical blue balls, pain included. p.s. eliot, the funeral ladies, and a few others all met us back at the house, where a large hang out commenced.

it has been a long time since i've felt comfortable sitting in a large group of people, but i had a really great time. i am extending my stay in richmond til tuesday. i am having a great time hanging out and interacting with leslie, and the wonderful good luck and max levine ensemble are playing a show here monday, so i would very much enjoy to see that.

until next time friends!

watch the midwest teen sex show, you won't be disappointed.

2010-03-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

Baltimore ended in a daze, eyes half open as Wes scrambled to get to work. I packed up the few small things I had brought into his house and slumped into my car. It took a stick of gum and a banana to snap me out of my morning funk, and from then on it was Richmond bound.

The drive was a bit sloppy, rain pelted my windshield and the highway became a glorified slip and slide. cars became little kids with no sense of self preservation, sliding as fast as they could without paying mind to the other kids, or rocks buried under the surface. the first accident had a car impaled on a tree in the median. and another on the opposite side of the highway missing its drivers side exterior. the second accident saw an eighteen wheeler on its side, firefighter standing ontop of the drivers door helping the driver out. i stopped counting after that, but the traffic kept swelling, and my three hour skip became a five hour leap in a flash.

i arrived at the house if Shannon and Dominique, a huge old two floor Victorian residence in the Jackson Ward area of Richmond. They left a key for me under an ash tray, and I relaxed for a little while, catching up on e-mails and having conversations with Neil and PJ, my two best mates from across the pond. i have been tossing ideas around with them over the possibilities of me moving to england, a move i have been talking about for years and finally have the motivation to do. i have a bit of money saved up, a good group of friends, a small spattering of family, and a desire to live there. i was initially thinking about hopping a flight there this or next week, but after some rational thought and discussion i think i am going to work on saving some more money up and getting the proper work visa before taking the leap across the pond. this move has been in the background of my mind for a while, but now that it is moving into the forefront i am getting more and more excited.

shannon and i sat out front on the porch watching the rain and talking for a long while in the afternoon, discussing gender roles in the punk music community, the pressures to have sex in society, and relationship issues. she and i get along so well, i definitely consider her one of my closest friends.

we went to strange matter for lunch and then diversity thrift to visit dominique. diversity is a gay-owned and prideful thrift shop, and it is organized like a labrynth. so many different rooms with piles of random crap. i found the cassette rack, and along with a copy of fugazi's red medicine, picked these gems up:

so excited to pop them on. we returned to the house and continued hanging out on the front porch, eventually dominique came home from work and joined us, and then abby, who plays bass in the two funerals, showed up and started hanging out. leslie, who is the third roommate, showed up and as the trio of ladies left for band practice we started playing old NES and GENESIS games, and watching random videos. once we started talking, we didn't stop until it was 4am, and we were cuddling on the couch watching Spirited Away. It is rare you connect with someone so fast and true, but it was so needed. it was nice to have a clean slate with someone and start conversation from scratch, learning as much as you can about them and building from that.

tonight i get to see the two funerals kick off their spring break tour with p.s. eliot, one of my favourite discoveries of 2009. richmond, you have been great so far, keep it up kid. until next time friends!

time apart, day 1

2010-03-12T06:04:00.000-08:00

i woke up this morning much in the same fashion i have been waking up in every morning for a week, not a speck of moisture to be found anywhere in my mouth. this is a result of the coat of cat hair spread out like sheets of newspaper on the couch, covering every portion of sheet and pillow. the hair gets injested when i sleep and, me being allergic to cat hair, that sleep exponentially more interrupted. i doze off fine, after a day in which my lungs have been cleared by inhaling fresh, non cat-soaked air. my dreams come and go, but then very early in the hours of the new day i wake up, with a serengeti mouth and tasting of dander.

i lie in bed for five or ten minutes, trying to find some semblance of moisture or wetness inside my mouth, not wanting to admit that i need to get up and retrieve water from the kitchen. this act ensures i will not get back to bed. i have never been able to get back to sleep once leaving the enclosure of blanket and pillow in the morning. this morning was no different, i begrudgingly got up and quenched my thirst. what made this morning different was the sense of purpose i felt after polishing off my first cup of water. i decided yesterday to leave providence and do a bit of traveling on my own. i have no lease, responsibility, or particular attachment to the city. i have some amazing friends, and a rad metal project, but the two major reasons i moved there, music and my relationship, have ended.

i took all of my folded clothing from the wire rack christine and paul lent me when i got back from tour, sanwiched between the couch i slept on in their living room and another mismatched piece of couch, and put them into a gym bag and tossed it into the car. my bike, a little shelf containing shipping supplies and stock for the cottage records, my acoustic guitar, and computer followed suit. i got in, put on some music, and started driving. it felt good to be able to do something, even if there was no direct reason to it.

i started heading south, towards Baltimore. my good friend wes invited me to stay in his apartment in baltimore, and i always enjoy his company. crossing the line from Rhode Island into Connecticut was relieving and inspiring. i love providence a lot, it has been such a great city to me, but there was something so euphoric about spontaneously picking up everything and leaving. the highway provides me with such good reflection and thought.

i always want to escape whatever town i am in after a certain amount of time, it seems like i always get in pretty far over my head and have to take some drastic measures to change things, but have an anchor stopping me from my grand escape. this time i have no lease, no job, no anchor to keep me from doing what i feel like at the time.

I passed through New York City with minimal traffic and, surprisingly, no tolls. New Jersey was hell as usual, the worst drivers in the world mixed with a ton of potholes on the NJ turnpike is a terrible combination. I was suprised with Delaware, a state I still have trouble being convinced exists, it takes about twelve minutes to drive through the state on 95-S, but there is $7 in tolls. The first $3 is snaked from you after driving over the massive Delaware memorial bridge, whose awesome size and majesty is ruined for me by the massive amount of anti-suicide signs and notifications. The next $4 comes about four miles later before you leave Delaware for Maryland. i feel cheated out of money every rime i drive through.

being at wes' apartment is comforting, six hours south of providence, six hours clouser to some sort of solution to this vulnerable feeling i have. wes and i hang out, get high and talk about how different our lives our. he has just bought a house, and is planning what to do with it. i am traveling aimlessly, without real purpose or focus. i think those two things will come to me with time. for now it is nice to just be on the move again. i have so many options, and so many oppertunities i COULD do, but WHAT i am going to do is the question.

another night, another couch. this one had me sleeping much easier, though i don't know whether it was the lack of cat hair or the clean slate i have fashioned for myself. until next time!

a not so fond farewell

2010-03-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

i am leaving providence tomorrow. today has brought two quite large curve balls that have seamlessly knocked me off my feet and left me winded, confused, and needing clarity desperately. neil decided drumming in imadethismistake was not for him, a decision i respect but am frustrated with, as we have so much touring coming up. it will be a hard task finding a replacement for him, his technical skill, precision, and pure tenacity behind the kit were something to behold. it will also suck not having a good friend with us on the road. with a record coming out this year, this was the last thing i wanted to deal with. i was so confident going into this year i had a set lineup, to have a wrench thrown into the works this early is a headache to say the least.

jillian and i sat down today and ironed out all of our problems, laying everything neatly on the table so we could read between every line and decipher every code. our relationship has not been working out, polyamoury is a complicated and hard course to maneuver, and it seems to have taken some major effect on her, as well as me. she seems quite happy with her other partner, and ours has been going downhill for a while. we decided to officially end our partnership, without strings or any other weird bs. we will keep in contact, and who knows what will happen in the future... but i would hate for what we have had to be degraded by a weird month that pulled us apart... two years of amazing memories will suffice for me. i hope they do for her. she is a wonderful woman, i hope she can be a part of my life someday.

and with this, i am off. tomorrow i am going to pack my car with some essentials [my bicycle, clothing, acoustic guitar, laptop, and envelopes/records for mailorder] and head south. i do not know where i am going, or for how long, but i know that i am going. i am going to try to head out as the sun rises, so i can have a full day of driving if it is what i require or choose to do. i do not know what this world has for me, but as i figure it out i am sure you all will too, because you're reading this, and lately this place has been the shoulder i've truly needed. thanks.

lost

2010-03-09T19:21:00.000-08:00

i am feeling abnormally lonely tonight.

tonight, we doom

2010-03-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

my life is mostly consumed with the business and workings of imadethismistake, but lest we forget, i also play drums in back stabbath. back stabbath is a melodic-doom metal band i started with my best friend in rhode island, chris, just a few weeks after i moved here in may of 2009. chris now plays bass in imadethismistake, but every chance we get we are brainstorming new ideas for Stabbath. We have 4 songs, all titled numerically in the order they were birthed. 1 is about eighteen minutes long, 2 has a dance beat to start and a drum solo at the end, 3 has one of the most brutal moments i have ever been a part of in it, and 4 is a three minute blast of insanity akin to Torche's meanderthal.

we are playing tonight at 17 mules, a warehouse space in the olneyville section of providence. i am very excited as it is not only the first warehouse show i am playing in providence, but also the first one i will be attending. we have played a few shows at venues around town, but none of them have been as well attended as this is promising to be.

i cannot wait to share this music with everyone, it is such a change from what i write in imadethismistake. everything is polar opposite. where i do guitar and vocals in imtm, i play drums and there are quite few vocals in BS, imtm is kind of dark but generally positive punk, BS is loud, brutal, in your face doom metal. it is a great way for me to let my frustrations out, and i feel like by the end of the show tonight i will have solved a bunch of questions i have going on. drums seem to do that for me.

until next time vixens!

author

2010-03-05T22:26:00.000-08:00

i began working on my book about DIY touring / show promoting. i have been speaking about it for a long time, but the actual act of starting to put an outline together and organize thoughts in some sort of cohesive way has been eluding me. I was getting a bit restless and started randomly typing, and ideas started flowing about touring. This outline is now really filling out, soon I am going to approach some musicians and promoters about writing articles for it. This is going to be a fun project.

today was spent in solitude. the first day spent completely alone in a very long time. it scares me, but i missed it.